The direction of disgust is from Hagasaki’s perspective. The timeline is around episodes 69 and 70. There’s a risk of breaking the character’s image. As usual, there are no romantic elements.
“Suzumoto!”
It was a momentary event.
The moment Suzumoto thrust his sword into something that looked like a fire-breathing lizard, the lizard’s wound glowed.
There was no time to think or act.
“Ice Shield!”
The explosion overflowed, and I felt nothing.
When I woke up, the ceiling of the lecture hall was there.
…I’m alive. I thought I had died.
At that time, I certainly deployed the “Ice Shield” not in front of me but in front of Suzumoto.
Probably because I felt it was better for both Suzumoto and me to die or both survive than for me to definitely survive.
When I tried to get up, various parts of my body hurt as if they were scorched. It seems the burns haven’t healed completely.
Avoiding the pain, I looked around the room and saw Kariya and Suzumoto sleeping. They did not seem to be dead.
It would be troublesome if they died. What do they think I almost died for?
…Huh, what’s this? I feel strange.
I’m alive. I’m definitely alive, but… something is missing. What’s missing? …It’s disgusting. I don’t understand myself well.
As I was a bit confused, the door opened with a click, and Katori poked his head in.
“Oh, Hagasaki-kun, you’re awake. How do you feel?”
“Not too bad. It seems my burns haven’t fully healed, but that’s about it.”
“That’s good. Sorry, I haven’t fully recovered my MP either. For now, please bear with this.”
Katori also looked exhausted. It’s no wonder since he had been using inefficient healing skills endlessly.
“Don’t overdo it…”
I coughed in the middle of speaking. My dry throat hurt from the friction. Ah, damn, the worst.
“Sorry, can I get some water?”
“Yeah, sure. I’ve brought some. Can you drink?”
In lieu of a reply, I took the water Katori brought and drank it, and my throat felt better.
“Is there anything you want?”
The feeling that something was missing, like there was a hole in my heart, continued. But, I didn’t know what would fill this feeling.
…I remember Maito said that when she almost died before, her insides were all mixed up and she was confused. Is that what’s happening to me? Aftereffects of nearly dying? If that’s the case, maybe listening to Maito would make it better. After all, in her memory, she died once.
“Call Maito. I have something I want to ask her.”
“Coming in.”
After a while, there was a knock, and the door opened.
“Maito.”
The moment I saw Maito, somehow, I understood everything.
First off, Maito’s eyes were somewhat evasive. That means she did something to me.
And then… when I saw Maito, somehow, I felt calm. What I was looking for… seems to be this guy.
What is that, it’s disgusting. Why do I have to look for her? I don’t understand.
…Though, the cause is probably Maito.
“Did you do something to me?”
“I did.”
That was expected.
Maito dragged a futon over to my side and sat down on it in a proper posture.
“How are you feeling?”
Her eyes peering in with concern were annoying.
“The worst. What is this? What is this? What did you do?”
Probably, Maito did something to somehow deal with me who was close to death. I think so, but my irritation has nowhere to go but towards Maito.
“H-how precisely are you feeling unwell?”
I would never explain. And, I don’t like the anxious look in your eyes.
“So, what did you do?”
Ignoring Maito’s question and asking again, Maito hesitated for a while before saying,
“Lend me your head for a bit, ‘Share’.”
And then, while cupping my face with both hands, she brought her face closer and touched her forehead to mine.
This is bad for my heart!
“Stop that, I told you!”
Before I could resist, information started flowing in, leaving me unable to resist.
…Maito was in front of a thin-designed glass… Apparently, that’s the shape of my life. Annoying. Why is it like this? At least my life should be… it’s pointless to even think about it.
In the glass, a metallic, glossy liquid continuously fell from above, pushing out the contents of the glass.
The content of the glass was a light blue liquid. It looked like a diluted solution of copper sulfate.
Then Maito, stupidly, reached out her hand to the metallic, glossy liquid. I thought, what if something happened to her hand, but the liquid slipped through her hand and fell into the glass.
After thinking for a bit, Maito took out another glass with a swollen shape… like a bud about to bloom.
It was filled with a pure white liquid, so utterly devoid of translucence that if it were not moving, one might think it was solid.
And then… really, stupidly.
Her glass began to catch the liquid falling from above.
Just catching a single drop made the abnormality clear.
It hurt.
It hurt a lot. And then… it was scary. I felt like I was being crushed by the fear of losing myself.
Yet, Maito didn’t stop trying to protect my glass with her own.
I don’t want this. I didn’t wish for this. This is… stupid.
When about a quarter of Maito’s glass was lost, the metallic, glossy liquid finally stopped falling.
Then, little by little, the liquid accumulated at the bottom of the glass disappeared… leaving behind my glass, which had less content, and Maito’s glass.
Maito looked at it for a while… and then began transferring the content of her glass into mine.
The level of fear and pain was incomparable to before.
How can she be okay with letting herself flow out like that? Why is she so foolish? It’s infuriating. Really infuriating.
Truly,
“…Hey.”
Before I realized it, a hand that had come into my field of vision was fluttering in front of me.
The fool’s hand.
“Are you an idiot?”
“I am more aware of being an idiot than you are, that’s for sure.”
“That’s not what I mean,”
That’s not what I want to say.
“Ah, why,”
How should I say this kind of thing?
“…Why are you like that?”
“Like that, as in?”
“Why did you reduce your own insides even though it’s scary and painful!? Are you an idiot!? No, you must be an idiot! Definitely an idiot!”
I let the words spill out impulsively, and about half of it turned into insults, but I don’t care. Because she is an idiot.
“You could have just left my glass(?) to increase its content on its own without doing such a thing!”
I know that. I know she is the kind of disgusting person who wouldn’t do that.
“…No, rather, it would have been better if my portion was even less. Then, if Hagasaki-kun could wake up and recover quickly, that would be better.”
I understand that what I’m thinking is very irrational, but, but, even though I understand, I can’t accept it.
“Look, can you put yourself in my shoes? Even though you got out unscathed, why, why do you go out of your way like that?”
I can’t accept that she got hurt for me, especially when she is weaker than I am.
After a bit of hesitation and wandering with her gaze, Maito peered into me and said,
“No, because, if you were in my place, wouldn’t you do the same?”
“I wouldn’t. I’m not that much of an idiot.”
When I replied, Maito seemed to ponder deeply. I guess she’s thinking something rude.
…If I were in Maito’s place.
Probably, I couldn’t do it. I’m not as strong as you.
…Really, it’s infuriating.
“Why are you such an idiot?”
“Yeah, sorry.”
“You should just die.”
“Yeah.”
Maito nonchalantly reached out and stroked my head.
The gesture was like a parent soothing a child.
She is one of my friends. Originally, we were on equal footing. Maito is incredibly weak, and I am stronger, yet… now, it feels as if Maito is in a much higher position than me, and it was annoying.
When Maito was about to leave, I felt a sudden urge to stop her, and without thinking, I grabbed the hem of Maito’s skirt.
Of course, Maito nearly fell. Serves her right.
“What are you doing?”
“My side of the explanation isn’t done yet.”
As I explained this strange sensation, I gradually felt more organized and relieved.
I think putting it into words is important.
According to Maito, this sensation will eventually disappear. Maito seems to be busy, and I don’t want to hold her up any longer.
She is one of my friends, on equal footing, and weaker than me.
So… I shouldn’t rely on her.
…Really, who is the weaker one here?
Really… oh, I hate it.
I hate it.
Watching Maito leave, I burrowed my head into the futon, but sleep didn’t come easily.
