-3-
Huo Ren’s Thursday was not going well.
His work schedule was packed: in the morning he was to supervise trainees during their program rehearsals, in the afternoon he had to record a guest appearance at another TV station, and in the evening he was to return to the company for a meeting to revise plans for the next half year.
The intensity of his work had long become second nature, no longer a burden.
But what was truly tough was that Pei Ruye was out of town on a business trip and might not return tonight.
At this moment, the short video apps on various platforms had already topped the download charts, becoming the current hot trend.
When Pei Ruye and Huo Ren appeared together in a livestream, Night Fire livestreaming led its competitors by attracting a plethora of popular internet celebrities and content creators, thriving across eight entertainment sections.
Pei Ruye had also been traveling frequently to other provinces and even abroad over the past few months, but mostly timed these trips to coincide with Ren Ren’s album releases, keeping separation anxiety to a minimum.
Now, the periods of non-contact and non-meeting gradually extended to fifteen or sixteen hours, and video calls helped ease the discomfort, which was still manageable.
“This time there’s a very important order that needs a face-to-face discussion,” Pei Ruye reassured him as he left: “I’ll try to come back tonight, but there might be flight restrictions.”
“The doctor is on standby on the fourteenth floor, contact her if you feel unwell.”
Huo Ren nodded nonchalantly, not too concerned: “Don’t worry, go ahead.”
The man kissed his forehead and left for the airport with his assistant.
The morning went smoothly.
Huo Ren led the assistant teachers in teaching the kids to dance and sing, and even played and sang a tune himself when the mood struck him, attracting many curious trainees peeking from outside the window.
Lunch was a pork cutlet over rice, and he didn’t have to be overly strict with his diet, now able to enjoy his favorite foods.
Pei Ruye was in a meeting and hadn’t responded to messages.
In the afternoon, there are two magazine covers to shoot, a perfume advertisement, and then a visit to the TV station to record a program.
Huo Ren ignores the strange feeling in his heart and only calls after finishing a task.
It takes four or five rings before someone answers, with the sound of whistling wind in the background.
“Are you on the balcony?”
“Yes, just stepping out for some fresh air.” The man’s voice sounds tired: “The pricing is tight, hard to negotiate.”
“Are you missing me, Ren Ren?”
Upon hearing this, Huo Ren’s heart skips a beat, both eager to admit it and somewhat annoyed as if a soft spot has been poked.
“Just focus on your work,” he says indifferently: “Otherwise, we can meet tomorrow.”
“I miss you,” the man whispers: “I had no appetite for lunch, just want to hold you and sleep for a while.”
A smile appears in Huo Ren’s eyes, his tail flicks: “Can’t bear to leave me, huh?”
“Can’t bear to.” Pei Ruye kisses the phone on the other end: “I have to continue with the meeting, we’ll talk later.”
Recording the program is not enjoyable.
The male guest is a muscular hunk, well-built but plays games without using his brain.
Huo Ren keeps his competitive spirit almost invisible, smiling throughout as his teammate repeatedly sabotages him, always maintaining a gentlemanly demeanor.
The host makes a couple of probing jokes, causing the fans in the audience to scream chaotically.
As the recording nears its end, Huo Ren suddenly wonders what Pei Ruye might be doing.
He imagines him spinning a pen during a meeting, leaning his chin on his hand while listening to others speak.
His fingers long and clean, a slight glimpse of his collarbone…
He quickly regains his composure, continuing to laugh and interact with the female guest as they guess the answers.
There’s no Uncle Jiang watching from the audience, but in games, you always need to give a little slack.
Otherwise, you offend too many people, and it’s easy to get stabbed in the back, causing trouble for the company.
By six-thirty in the evening, the recording is finished.
Huo Ren zones out while removing his makeup, then sends a message to Assistant Zhang.
“When is he coming home tonight?”
Zhang replies quickly.
“Still uncertain, might be around two or three in the morning.”
A sense of loss sinks in Huo Ren’s heart, feeling like sand scattering through an hourglass.
He makes a call back.
“Just finished a session, how are things your end?” the man says gently.
Huo Ren replies nonchalantly, adjusting his tone to sound casual: “Want to have dinner together tonight? I’ll wait for you.”
“I probably won’t make it, still have two partners to meet.”
“Eating later isn’t a problem,” Huo Ren jokes half-heartedly: “How about going for a midnight snack around eleven or twelve? Grilled fish sound good?”
“No need to wait, better go after the program tomorrow.” Pei Ruye laughs, trying to comfort him: “You’ll probably be asleep by the time I get back from the airport.”
Huo Ren responds softly, and without waiting for more, hastily hangs up the phone.
He rests his head on the table for a while, and the assistant tentatively approaches.
“Brother Ren… Mr. Pei reminded… your stomach isn’t good, you need to eat on time.”
“I don’t want to eat, I’m on a diet.”
“Then how about a chia seed fruit and vegetable smoothie?”
“I don’t want it.”
“It’s the one Mr. Pei made this morning and froze, there’s also a French omelet you can heat up.”
“…Bring them over.”
At 7:30 PM, the meeting begins.
Huo Ren is a bit distracted, but it doesn’t hinder his participation in the meeting and decision-making.
It’s like he’s working and daydreaming at the same time.
At 9:52 PM, the meeting ends.
Pei Ruye hasn’t come back yet.
Huo Ren can feel the gap pulling at his emotions.
Some memories and irritations are unsettlingly swirling in his subconscious, making him want to touch or hug something at this moment.
Fortunately, Pei Ruye calls.
“I’ve finished here and am on the way to the airport.”
Huo Ren tries not to sound too clingy, softly saying, “I’ll wait for you to hold me as I sleep tonight.”
Pei Ruye, teased by the comment, presses his brow and continues to smooth talk his little white wolf: “If you can’t concentrate, consider taking a hot bath to relax, meditate for a while, or read a book.”
Huo Ren hums in response, then shakes his head in refusal.
He’s becoming restless.
“I don’t want to read, I’ll go exercise for a bit…”
“If you don’t want to hang up, you can just leave the phone on,” the man says calmly. “There’s no one else around me now, and it’s very quiet in the car.”
“You can turn on the speaker if you want to talk, or keep it silent if you don’t.”
“Ren Ren, I’m always here; I won’t disappear.”
Huo Ren quickly agrees, changes into his clothes, and goes swimming.
He places his phone on a chair beside the pool and swims alone in the vast, suspended pool.
It’s as if he is a white wolf plunging into the deep sea of the night.
It’s now late at night, and the lights in the skyscrapers gradually go out, only the long streets crisscross like trails of stars.
Huo Ren quietly lies in the center of the water, his backdrop the night sky and the city, as if endless breathing and waiting.
“Ren Ren, I’m boarding the plane now, will contact you later.”
He doesn’t respond, just taps the water with his toes to make some noise, then turns and dives back underwater in a huff.
At 11:20 PM, still no return.
At 12:05 AM, still no return.
Huo Ren dislikes the feeling of being tethered.
Yet, it seems that when he sees that person, he feels both free and safe.
Separation anxiety, in a rational world, is a problem that can gradually be healed.
But for Huo Ren, it feels like the only rope that connects him to the entire world.
He subconsciously doesn’t want to be healed.
From his mother’s death in his childhood, to the disappearance of a close friend, to the disbandment of his boy band, he harbors a longstanding fear of separation.
It’s as if he’s gotten used to the shackles, and encountering this anxiety again brings a strangely comforting familiarity.
It’s a contradiction that holds itself together.
Huo Ren rolls around in his bedding, clutching a pillow, wondering what Pei Ruye is doing at this moment.
He has been waiting too long, and now his breathing is becoming rapid.
He regrets not asking for one more kiss when he left in the morning.
A kiss on the forehead simply wasn’t enough.
Why didn’t he say “I miss you so much”… If he had told him at noon, would he have come back earlier tonight?
Huo Ren closes his eyes, passively facing his own inner weakness and fear alone.
He has to confront these.
Fantasies, unknowns, fears, restlessness.
He refuses to admit he has weaknesses, areas where he is powerless, always acting as if he is too deep into his role, preferring to be like a godlike figure.
Brilliant and flawless, without any imperfections.
His phone remains silent, and he refuses to call again.
He doesn’t even know who he’s really being stubborn with.
At 2:14 AM.
The phone rings.
Huo Ren, curled up in his blanket, answers the phone in the dark.
“I know you haven’t slept…” The man sighs: “Ren Ren, open the door.”
The young man quickly rolls out of bed, not even taking the time to put down his phone, and runs barefoot to the door while holding his phone, swinging it open.
“Ruye, I’ve waited so long for you,” he says quickly: “I’m not uncomfortable, my breathing is normal, maybe I could have waited even longer—”
“I just… want to hold you as I fall asleep again.”
Pei Ruye reaches out to grasp his wrist, setting aside the still-held phone.
Then he embraces Huo Ren fully, using his warmth to soothe his shivers while giving him a tender and prolonged kiss.
Huo Ren lets out a low moan during the kiss, and it takes him a moment to bury his face in the man’s neck, stubborn yet vulnerable.
“…Can you come back earlier next time?” He blurts out, then feeling as if he’s revealed too much, turns his head to the side: “It’s okay if it’s later, I was just talking nonsense.”
Pei Ruye sighs softly, lowering his head to kiss him again.
“I should have come back sooner.”
“It’s just that I missed you too much.”
Author’s note:
9,000-word update delivered… Not sure if I’ll update tomorrow, haha
Enjoy, my darlings!! Xoxo!!
Huo Ren 😭😭😭