AGJN 019: Unexpectedly, Mine is Longer Than Yours

If it weren’t for Director Liu and Xiao Yang, who couldn’t possibly know about his predicament, Lan He would have suspected that they had teamed up to prank him.

‘79th Lady Hu? Usually, others have grandfathers and grandmothers, but your family goes up to seventy-nine? Is the Hu family particularly prosperous? Most importantly, is this 79th Lady related to the First Lady Hu he knows?’

If there was a connection, and it wasn’t a bad one, Lan He thought he might be able to have a conversation about it.

And because of Liu Chunyang’s explanation, Lan He suddenly understood why First Lady Hu always said she wanted to live in his house. Could it be that she wanted him to worship her, like a deity?

But since his current persona was one of integrity and righteousness, he continued to play dumb, observing the situation.

Liu Chunyang didn’t know that Lan He knew a First Lady Hu, but he was familiar with the Four Great Sects and was a bit troubled.

It was said that the Hu Sect’s relationship with Bixia Yuanjun was closer than the other three sects—rumor had it that all foxes in the world had to go to Mt. Tai to be tested. Perhaps that was why they were ranked first among the Four Great Sects.

The ranking of immortal sects was very orderly. If ranked by sect, the Hu Sect came first, followed by the Huang Sect. The saying “the Hu and Huang Sects are one family” reflected their similar cultivation methods. Third was the Bai Sect, and the Liu Sect was last.

If ranked by skill level, since all Four Great Sects submitted to Bixia Yuanjun, the highest level would naturally be those who could cultivate on Jinding Miao Gan Mountain. The second level was those who served at the five Bixia Temples. The third level included other temples with Four Great Sects’ incense altars. The fourth level was altars established by disciples themselves. The lowest level was household deities.

This 79th Lady Hu, regardless of ranking by sect or skill, seemed to be top-tier, which sounded rather tricky.

But for the sake of filming, Liu Chunyang decided to face the challenge. Otherwise, how would he recover the lost time and costs? He was so wronged; he had to finish the shoot. “You…you wait. I’ll find someone to ask.”

Chen Xingyang muttered, “I don’t really understand this, but isn’t Bixia Yuanjun the daughter of the Dongyue Emperor? Why not invite a Taoist from the Dongyue Temple? That should suppress 79th Lady Hu… Oh, her name is really long!”

Liu Chunyang: “…”

In Beijing, there were many temples, each with its own specialty. Some were famous for striking the big bell, borrowing ingots, seeing the fire judge, or stepping over golden beans. The Dongyue Temple was quite renowned too.

But many things couldn’t be viewed so simply. Not every monk or priest was effective, and each temple had its own focus. Especially in Beijing, where masters were numerous, their functions were almost as specific as separating requests for first and second children.

Liu Chunyang had connections and was determined. He made several calls and then sent a car: go to Juehui Temple and pick up a monk!

Xiao Yang, pitiful and hopeful, had also offended a household deity and hoped this could help him too. Even the God of Wealth ignored him when he offered incense.

When the monk from Juehui Temple arrived, the crew, who initially didn’t know what was happening, started guessing. This was a famous place for prayers in Beijing, and the monk invited was quite renowned, named Si Ming.

The abbot of Juehui Temple, Master Budong, rarely left the temple, and his most outstanding disciple, Si Kong, was busy with temple affairs. Apart from these two, Si Ming was one of the more famous monks. Getting him was already quite difficult.

Liu Chunyang had put in significant effort—he had called Song Qiyun. Few knew that Song Qiyun had a close relationship with the high monks of Juehui Temple.

Liu Chunyang and Song Qiyun weren’t particularly close, but they had been in the industry for many years and had mutual friends. Knowing Liu Chunyang’s trouble, Song Qiyun helped by inviting Si Ming.

Master Si Ming, though middle-aged, had thick eyebrows, was tall and strong, and carried a stick, speaking with a northern accent.

Cheng Haidong couldn’t help but whisper to Lan He, “He looks like a warrior monk.”

No wonder they were close friends; their jokes were similar. Lan He thought, this stick must be a tradition passed down through the sect. Coming out with it, he might fight the Hu deity if provoked—truly a tough guy from the Linji Sect!

Since there was now a professional to handle the situation, Lan He decided to remain passive for the time being. Both the human and spirit worlds acknowledged the efficacy of Juehui Temple, and Master Budong, whom he had seen last time, was indeed impressive. He figured he wouldn’t need to intervene.

Liu Chunyang discussed with Master Si Ming, who agreed to perform a ritual and stay for a few days. It would be ideal if they could appease the Hu deity, but even if they could just prevent any incidents from affecting the filming for the next few days, that would be sufficient. After all, there were only a few scenes left to shoot. Perseverance was key to victory.

Of course, they were instructed to make no noise during filming to avoid disrupting the audio…

…

That evening, the crew decided not to work late, wrapping up hurriedly by 10 PM. Liu Chunyang instructed everyone to stay in their rooms and not to come out, no matter what noises they heard—everyone crowded into other courtyards. The courtyards occupied by the Hu deity, from the filming site to the living quarters, were left empty.

Despite the situation, no one was overly anxious. Liu Chunyang had a history of overreacting to crises. If an actor’s expression seemed off, he would be ready to call for divine intervention.

Lan He stayed in his room reading, while Cheng Haidong pressed his head against the window, listening to the sounds from next door where Master Si Ming was conducting the ritual. Lan He could faintly smell the incense. “This is really mysterious. Do you think the monk can handle it? I didn’t see him bring any ritual tools.”

Lan He replied, “Didn’t he bring a stick?”

“Man, you’re really calm.” Cheng Haidong gave him a thumbs-up, envying Lan He’s righteous demeanor, though he himself was worried. “That stick looks like a regular rolling pin, just ordinary wood. I heard it has to be peach wood to subdue spirits effectively.”

Lan He mused, “I figure…any stick could subdue someone if you hit them with it, doesn’t necessarily have to be peach wood.”

Cheng Haidong: “…”

Cheng Haidong: “You don’t understand!! There’s no point talking to non-believers like you!!”

Lan He was speechless. The way Cheng Haidong spoke made it seem like Lan He was the superstitious one.

Following Liu Chunyang’s advice, they went to bed early. After a short while, they lay down to sleep.

Around midnight, Lan He was awakened by noises outside. He opened his eyes to see Cheng Haidong already awake, pressing against the window again. Cheng Haidong looked at him with a slightly terrified expression and said, “I think I hear Director Liu’s voice.”

“What?” Lan He got up to listen and indeed heard Liu Chunyang’s voice outside, shouting and cursing, “Damn it, stay away from me, someone come here!”

“From the next courtyard, I think.” Cheng Haidong’s voice was shaky. “He told us not to go out, but he went out himself. What should we do, Lan He? Should we go out to save the director?”

Before Lan He could respond, their phones buzzed with a WeChat message from the crew group.

Liu Chunyang: Damn it, I didn’t go out! Everyone stay inside!!!

Lan He: “…”

Cheng Haidong shivered and cursed, “Damn…”

If Director Liu hadn’t gone out, then who was yelling outside?

“I’m so scared.” Cheng Haidong leaned closer to Lan He. Apart from the two of them, everyone else seemed to be sound asleep—the day’s exhaustion left them with less mental burden, allowing them to sleep deeply even at midnight.

Lan He hesitated and made up something: “Maybe someone picked up Director Liu’s phone, or maybe the director is hallucinating again and sleepwalking?”

Cheng Haidong: “That’s a good explanation. Keep talking, I’m scared.”

Lan He: “…”

Cheng Haidong burrowed back under his blanket, plugging his ears. “Amitabha, good luck, Master. I’d better get some sleep.”

Just as Lan He was about to lie down, he heard someone outside shouting, “What’s one word? What’s two words? What’s three words? What’s four words?”

The voice was somewhat unfamiliar. Lan He took a moment to realize it was probably Master Si Ming’s voice.

“What’s he saying?” Cheng Haidong mumbled, quickly deciding that it might be a chant and that he should follow the director’s orders and sleep.

Lan He lay on the bed for a minute but felt something was off. The commotion was too intense, and the faint scent of incense from before was gone.

Could the monk from Juehui Temple have failed? Lan He couldn’t believe it. He decided to investigate, so he closed his eyes and let his spirit leave his body.

Cheng Haidong was still anxiously staring at the ceiling. “I can’t sleep, what about you?”

When he turned his head, he saw Lan He sound asleep, facing away without a stir. The chosen one, Cheng Haidong, shed tears of envy.

…

Lan He prepared himself, secured his mask, and floated out, passing over the wall to the next courtyard. There, he saw Director Liu lying on the ground, unconscious, his vest pulled up, exposing his belly.

…So the shouting earlier was really from Director Liu? Then who sent the WeChat message?

Master Si Ming sat cross-legged on the offering table, his facial features twisted, his eyes lifted, and his mouth pursed sharply.

When he turned and saw Lan He, he mistook him for a passing ghost officer and paid him no mind, instead patting his thigh and lengthening his tone as he asked and answered his own questions: “One word? Monk. Two words? Buddhist monk. Three words? Ghost musician. Four words? Lustful hungry ghost!”

Lan He: “…”

Clearly, this was not the real Master Si Ming. Otherwise, why would he look like a fox and insult monks?

Lan He held an object in his hand and politely asked, “Excuse me, are you 79th Lady Hu?”

“Master Si Ming” glanced at him sideways. “Indeed, it is I, the immortal. What do you want?”

Lan He cupped his hands. “I am a humble official of the Eastern Peak Underworld Office and have some friendship with the monks of Juehui Temple. I humbly request 79th Lady to show mercy and spare him.”

Using the monk’s body, the fox spirit spat on the ground and slapped its bald head. “You want me to spare him? Do you know how insolent he was in my domain? Not only does he look fierce, but he also suddenly shouted and tried to hit me with a stick—humph, truly wicked and bald. That bald fool didn’t know his place!”

As she spoke, her voice grew shriller, completely different from Master Si Ming’s original voice by the end.

Lan He: “…”

79th Lady certainly knew how to scold.

But Lan He felt the need to defend Master Si Ming a bit. It seemed the monk only intended to strike the fox spirit with a stick to wake her up. Unfortunately, the fox spirit didn’t understand Zen and had no enlightenment.

79th Lady Hu, after finishing her tirade, eyed Lan He and warned, “You better not meddle, or don’t blame me for not showing mercy.”

It seemed Lan He’s influence as an Underworld official wasn’t enough to sway the fox spirit. So he tentatively said, “I am also acquainted with First Lady Hu. Perhaps you could consider her face…”

This time, the fox spirit gave Lan He a serious look. “You have ties with First Lady Hu?” She and First Lady Hu were from the same clan, both in Beijing, tracing back three generations to a common ancestor. But in terms of rank, it was clear that First Lady Hu was more formidable. First Lady Hu had a “Tian” character on her belly since birth and served the goddess at Miao Gan Mountain, a significant achievement compared to others.

Lan He observed her respectful tone when mentioning First Lady Hu, which gave him some confidence. It indicated that even if they weren’t close relatives, they were at least from the same prestigious lineage. After all, both had spent time at Miao Gan Mountain.

Lan He nodded, “Yes, Master Si Ming might have been inappropriate in his wording, but actually…they are sincere in seeking your forgiveness. This was all a misunderstanding. Xiao Yang didn’t mention the house had a resident deity.”

Hu 79 jumped off the table and approached, “Hmph, I know. I initially endured it. Seeing Liu in pain, I kindly massaged his stomach, but he cursed me in return. After cursing, he refused to move out, wanting to extend his stay. And this Yang family, greedy as ever, it’s getting intolerable!”

Every deity had different abilities. Household deities typically protected the home and brought prosperity, while altar deities had broader functions, such as healing and exorcism. Unlike typical household deities, Hu 79 excelled in healing. When Liu Chunyang had acute gastroenteritis, she kindly massaged his stomach, curing him.

Lan He listened attentively as she approached, suddenly extending her hand, revealing sharp claws aimed at him!

Startled, Lan He swiftly dodged, leaving only a tear in his uniform. “What are you doing?”

Hu 79 coldly replied, “You underworld officials are always boastful. Just because you’ve met First Lady Hu, you claim familiarity. Whoever you are, according to our Hu family rules, you must earn the right to negotiate with me!”

She raised her hand, showing off her long claws, clearly proud.

Lan He didn’t expect such behavior from the Four Great Sects. His interactions with First Lady Hu had been quite amicable. What he didn’t know was that while the Four Great Sects were “immortal families” and practiced Taoism, they were still influenced by human nature, with varied personalities. Some fox deities were inherently mischievous, and some even specialized in causing trouble.

Fortunately, Lan He was prepared. He discreetly burned a nail covering behind his back and extended his own hand, showing sharp, glimmering nails that outshone Hu 79’s.

Hu 79 was astonished, “You!”

Lan He coolly replied, “Unexpected, isn’t it? Mine are longer than yours.”

Hu 79: “…………”

Still reluctant, she attempted to challenge Lan He’s abilities by extending her hand again.

But by then, Lan He had gathered his energy. Possessing First Lady Hu’s skills, Hu 79 seemed incredibly slow in his eyes. He quickly grabbed her wrist, easily restraining her.

Lan He took out a paper-made rope from his other hand and tied it around her wrist. This paper was borrowed from Officer Wang and carried the righteous energy of the living world. Hu 79 immediately screamed and, with a flicker, exited Master Si Ming’s body, shouting, “I give up! I give up!”

Her true form was that of a seventeen or eighteen-year-old girl in a bright red skirt embroidered with stars and moons. Her upturned eyes bore some resemblance to First Lady Hu, but her features were more striking. The paper made by the officer was too much for her, as living officials naturally had some restraining effect on spirits.

She jumped around in pain, eventually sitting on Liu Chunyang’s belly, crying, her fierce demeanor from earlier gone, and her sharp features softened.

Liu Chunyang groaned but couldn’t speak, only closing his eyes and frowning, likely having another nightmare, perhaps of a girl sitting on his stomach.

Lan He: “Please get up…”

It now looked as if he was bullying a young girl.

But Hu 79 was in too much pain to stop crying.

Lan He, helpless, noticed a roasted chicken on the offering table that Liu Chunyang had bought. He walked over, tore off a piece, and started eating. “Actually, I’ve always wanted to discuss this matter peacefully with you…”

Hu 79 was stunned, not quite registering Lan He’s words, but seeing him tear off half of the roasted chicken, she immediately cried even louder.

Typically, when she cried, people would show some respect. But this guest was particularly ruthless, eating rapidly and even reaching for the other half of the chicken. “Let’s chat while we eat.”

Or rather, he would eat while Hu 79 watched and chatted.

Hu 79 almost fainted from crying, quickly rushing forward, her face dirty with tears and dust, “Let’s talk!”

Lan He still didn’t let go of the chicken, “Oh, let’s talk then.”

Hu 79 wiped her tears with her fair hands, stubbornly saying, “In the world of deities, we settle disputes based on our abilities, and the loser doesn’t argue. I respect you as an Underworld officer, so tell me what you want me to do. Aim your demands at me, not my chicken…”

“Oops? My bad.” Lan He reluctantly finished the chicken leg, then sat upright and reiterated, “I heard the crew will wrap up in a few days. They didn’t know there was a deity here and are willing to apologize. You can also voice your grievances since you were the one disturbed. Let’s see if we can find a compromise.”

With tears in her eyes, Hu 79 pouted but spoke firmly, “Fine, let’s be honest. I’ve already decided to leave the Yang family and return to the mountains for cultivation. It’s been chaotic lately. For your sake, I’ll spare the monk and the director. Just have the crew respectfully remove my tablet from the Yang house and send me off properly, and I will leave without causing any trouble.”

This was reasonable. Hu 79 hadn’t been unreasonable. Lan He then asked, “Do you need any incense offerings?”

Hu 79 lifted her head proudly, “Having lost to you, I need nothing!”

Lan He took out some incense, “Just these…”

Hu 79 immediately jumped over, sniffing deeply with her fox face, her features scrunched up, “It smells so good!”

Lan He: “…”

“Yes, yes!!! I still want these. Where did you get them?” Hu 79 collected the incense and then said to Lan He, “Wait, I need to use his body for one more thing.” She pointed at Si Ming’s body.

Lan He roughly guessed what she intended, “Alright. After you finish, tell him how to place your tablet. I have other matters to attend to.”

Having promised, Lan He left, not wanting to converse directly with Si Ming.

Hu 79 found it odd and observed him thoughtfully for a while, wondering why this Underworld officer’s behavior seemed…

Without revealing her thoughts, she once again took over Master Si Ming’s body, or as they called it, “grasping the seat,” using Si Ming’s body to speak. This time, she walked to Xiao Yang’s room and knocked on the door.

After a while, Xiao Yang cautiously opened the door. Liu Chunyang had instructed not to open the door carelessly. Only after seeing through the window that it was Si Ming did he open the door and hesitantly ask, “Master…is it over?”

The “master” responded calmly, “I have a long-standing connection with your family, having protected it for ten years. But in recent years, you’ve ignored my advice to cultivate blessings and have become increasingly greedy, even tricking the crew into renting the house.”

Xiao Yang then realized it wasn’t the master speaking but a deity using the body!

Household deities rarely revealed themselves or spoke. Xiao Yang only remembered a time when he was little and had scraped his knee. He fell asleep crying, and in a daze, felt a small hand massaging his knee until it healed. His grandfather said it was the household deity’s blessing.

The “master” regretfully said, “I remember you once told your grandfather you wanted to become a doctor to heal people, helping those beyond the reach of deities. But now, the Yang family has changed. Our bond is over, and I will leave soon!”

Xiao Yang felt a pang of sadness, realizing the deity had heard his childhood words, which he himself had almost forgotten. “God of Wealth, we…”

Before he could finish, Hu 79 blew a breath at him, making him blankly walk back to bed.

Hu 79 turned around and said, “That’s settled then.”

…

The next day.

Liu Chunyang had no recollection of the events from the previous night—his shouting outside, sending WeChat messages…it was all a blank, like sleepwalking. The only thing he remembered was a vague discomfort in his stomach, as if something heavy had pressed on it.

Master Si Ming was equally bewildered. He had been possessed by the fox spirit but later found out that the fox spirit had relayed a message through him. She mentioned that an Underworld officer had interceded on his behalf, and she had agreed to leave. Therefore, as long as her instructions were followed to send her away properly, she wouldn’t stay in the Yang family. Si Ming skipped over the Underworld officer part, only saying that thanks to some unknown benefactor, the fox spirit had agreed to leave.

“Who cares, as long as we can get rid of her.” Liu Chunyang wasn’t interested in the details. He immediately went to Xiao Yang, asking for the Hu spirit’s tablet.

Since they had deceived the film crew, the tablet that should have been properly worshipped had been put away by Xiao Yang. He had thought last night was just a dream, but realizing the spirit truly wanted to leave, he dumbfoundedly took out the tablet.

At this moment, Xiao Yang received a call from his father, who informed him that he had been scammed by fraudsters, losing a significant amount of savings.

—Household deities bring fortune and protection to the family. Once they leave, the luck they brought also departs.

Xiao Yang was furious, cursing loudly and rushing off to try and recover the money, though it was likely in vain.

Liu Chunyang watched coldly and said, “Those who prosper under the protection of household deities but fail to maintain their integrity cannot keep their wealth. Not everyone can stay true to themselves after achieving prosperity.”

…

Juehui Temple

Having been possessed, Master Si Ming was not in good spirits. Liu Chunyang’s team offered to take responsibility for delivering the tablet to the mountain. Si Ming sat under the sun, trying to restore his energy.

Song Futang was typing under the shade of a tree. The two nodded at each other in greeting. Dou Chunting, lounging on a stone bench, asked, “Master, where’s your stick?”

Si Ming responded weakly, “It broke.”

Dou Chunting sat up instantly, “Whoa, how did that happen?”

Si Ming was about to explain how the fox spirit had broken it when Song Qiyun approached. He had come to visit his son at the temple and brought some fruit. Seeing Si Ming, he greeted him, “Master Si Ming, finally found you. Have some fruit. I heard from Liu Chunyang that the issue was resolved. I thought you’d be back this morning, but couldn’t find you… Thank you so much!”

“Embarrassed, really. I had some matters to attend to this morning.” Si Ming humbly replied, “It wasn’t really my doing. I don’t know which benefactor’s favor it was. The fox spirit broke my stick, but she said she left because of an Underworld officer who had a connection with someone at the temple.”

Song Qiyun quickly responded, “Still, we troubled you! So sorry for the inconvenience…”

As Song Qiyun spoke, his son suddenly turned his head and asked, “An Underworld officer with a connection? Did you see this Underworld officer?”

Si Ming scratched his bald head and winced—his scalp had been scratched by the fox spirit, and he had some other injuries too, so he had gone for a rabies shot that morning. “No, I didn’t see him. When I woke up, he was already gone. Why, Futang, do you know something?”

Song Futang remained silent but suspected it was Xiao Lai, who had intervened due to his and Juehui Temple’s connection… he truly was kind-hearted.

Song Qiyun and Si Ming chatted a bit more while Dou Chunting peeked at Song Futang’s screen. “Bro, writing a new story? I read your outline. Doesn’t it seem like something’s missing?”

Song Futang ignored him.

Song Qiyun turned and asked, “Oh? What’s missing?”

Dou Chunting grinned, “Heh, it’s missing a love line. The story is exciting, but there’s no one for the protagonist to fall in love with.”

Song Futang was writing a new story, unconsciously projecting Xiao Lai’s image onto the character, even naming him Xiao Lai. Initially, he hadn’t thought much about it, just pondering what kind of person could match Xiao Lai.

Later, as he met Xiao Lai more frequently, the character in his story became more developed, making him reluctant to add a love interest. He was even hesitant to let Song Qiyun direct the film. Who could portray Xiao Lai accurately?

Song Qiyun considered it, “Not every movie needs a romance, but this Xiao Lai character is quite charming. It could be worth adding a hint of romantic tension, maybe a childhood sweetheart. Otherwise, he just shines alone…”

Song Futang responded coldly, “No.”

Song Qiyun was momentarily taken aback by the blunt refusal.

---

Author’s Note:

Lan He: I can act!!

…

Song Futang: Ah… he is truly kind-hearted.

Hu 79: Ah!!! He stole my roasted chicken.