It had been over two hundred years since Xiao Lai passed away, yet the thought of him still managed to startle others. This made Song Futan think that Xiao Lai was not just adorable; he was more lively than any living person in this world.
In this world, humans and ghosts are equally numerous, bustling and crowded. However, among both humans and ghosts, Song Futan had never found another like Xiao Lai.
Song Futan didn’t expose him and simply said, “That was just a trick by a yellow spirit. No. 001 is still with me.”
“It’s alright? I almost really believed it died in battle protecting you.” At first, Lan He thought something had happened to No. 001. His heart sank twice when he saw the skull, but now Song Futan said No. 001 was actually fine… This was like riding a roller coaster.
Song Futan took out an object from his bosom; it was a golden lotus flower, with a slightly damaged paper donkey underneath it. “I was sweeping graves here during the day, probably caught the eye of the yellow spirit, and was brought here after nightfall. It couldn’t do anything to me and tried to take No. 001, so I put it away and used part of the prayer beads to keep it safe. The yellow spirit is still unwilling to give up. The skull was probably meant to scare me, so… be careful.”
The skull was a source of spiritual power. For those mystical beings like the Huang Sect and the Hu Sect who could transform, they sometimes used skulls to enhance their transformation skills. Among them, human skulls were, of course, the most effective. This place was full of graves, so finding a skull wouldn’t be difficult.
Lan He didn’t listen to the latter part; he didn’t even feel like being happy for No. 001. “Isn’t this the ‘Sleeping Fish’ from your prayer beads? Why did you take it off? Will it still work after being removed?”
It was, of course, taken off to protect the little lame donkey. He had the prayer beads for protection and a strong will, but No. 001 was just paper and had been noticed by the yellow spirit as something he valued.
Song Futan said calmly, “It’s just for a little while. It won’t leave my side.”
“But what if something unexpected happens? Why are you doing this? It’s just a paper donkey.” Lan He urged him to quickly reattach the ‘Sleeping Fish’ and took the paper donkey himself. As soon as it was in his hand, the paper donkey grew larger, shook its head, and came to life.
Because it was the first thing you gave me… Song Futan silently thought to himself.
Lan He patted the donkey’s head, also lost in thought. Although he said it was just a paper donkey, after spending so much time together, the little lame donkey had become somewhat special. He remembered how it once flapped its ears and carried Song Futan back with a bounce—it was so amusing.
The little lame donkey rubbed its head against Lan He’s waist, feeling aggrieved.
Lan He said, “Next time, don’t do this. At worst, I’ll fold a No. 002.”
No. 001: “???”
Lan He rubbed the donkey’s head, chuckling, “Don’t be scared.”
Only then did Lan He have the mind to reflect, “Alright, so it was really the yellow spirit. This wretched creature.”
Lan He, stroking the lame donkey, said, “This yellow spirit, who stole Brother Yan San’s hat and the golden mouse, dares to… bully my donkey.”
At this moment, Lan He heard the sound of shouting and killing.
He turned to see a magnificent horse galloping down from the mountaintop where the cemetery was located. In the moonlight, a skeleton clad in armor sat on the horse’s back, with two red flames glowing in its hollow eye sockets. The flames emitted a cold light, and the skeleton held a large sword.
The skeletal rider opened its mouth, its jaw making a teeth-grinding noise, and its roar sounded like it came from the depths of hell. The horse galloped swiftly, seemingly about to trample Lan He flat in the next second, with an overwhelming momentum rushing towards him.
Lan He couldn’t help but take a few steps back. Seeing that Song Futan didn’t move, he stopped in his tracks, mustered up his courage, and thought, “What? I’m always the one driving cattle and horses to plow over others!”
Wait, where did this skeletal rider come from? Once he calmed down, Lan He suddenly realized something. He quickly burned First Lady Hu’s fingernail, and sharp claws grew out of his left hand.
Looking closely again, there was no skeletal rider on the hillside!
In front of him was clearly an orange-yellow spirit, riding on a large, soil-colored wild rabbit.
This weasel had shiny beady eyes, a small melon rind on its head, with two semi-circular ears poking out from under the rind. It held a tree branch and had a long, fluffy tail, with an expression almost human-like. Its eyes gleamed with an eerie red light.
The weasel hadn’t realized its trick had failed yet. It angrily tugged on the rabbit’s ears, half-standing up and waving the tree branch, opening its mouth like a marmot and shouting, “Ah—!!!”
Lan He: “…………”
… Without the special effects, the weasel was utterly ridiculous.
Instead of retreating, Lan He charged forward. The weasel was momentarily stunned, “Ah?—Ah!!”
If it were anything else, it would have been fine, but it was just a weasel. Lan He, now empowered by First Lady Hu’s abilities, felt an overwhelming sense that he could walk freely within a hundred-mile radius around Miaogan Mountain.
He stepped forward, flipped the weasel with a single claw, grabbed it by the scruff, and pulled it off the rabbit’s back. The weasel was over fifty centimeters long, sleek and shiny.
Lan He pinned it to the ground, smashing its head into the dirt, burying its cries.
The wild rabbit, naturally part of the weasel’s diet, had been forced to act as its mount. Now suddenly freed, it stood there dumbfounded for a moment before quickly hopping away.
The weasel’s muffled voice came from the dirt, “Spare me! Please, spare me, sir!”
Lan He chuckled twice. He realized why he was bewitched earlier, despite never being easily swayed by insects before. It seemed that although he had First Lady Hu’s fingernail, the Huang Immortal was also skilled in illusions. Simply wearing the fingernail wasn’t enough to resist the weasel’s bewitchment.
Fortunately, borrowing First Lady Hu’s power allowed him to shake off the weasel’s influence. Defeating it was much simpler afterward.
He pulled the weasel out of the dirt, “What, now you’re begging for mercy? You wanted to scare me just now. Couldn’t you see how high my hat is? How dare you mess with an official of the Eastern Peak Underworld?”
The weasel, terrified, said, “You’re really an official of the Eastern Peak Underworld? I saw the words ‘Since I’m Already Here’ on your hat, and thought it was just for show! All these years, I’ve never seen anyone with those four words on their hat…”
“You can stop pretending, cowardly bully.” Lan He added in his mind, *You’re still too inexperienced to be acting in front of me.* Besides, he had met Hu 79 before and knew how these beings from the Four Great Sects behaved. “You really are bold beyond belief. Now tell me, did you steal Yan San’s official hat and the golden mouse?”
Lan He’s demeanor was fierce, but the weasel began to plead, “How could this be blamed on me? I’ve been here the whole time! On the day Yan San got into trouble, I wasn’t even around, and when the golden mouse was stolen, I was attending a meeting on Miaogan Mountain. You can ask First Lady Hu if you don’t believe me!”
“It probably wasn’t this one,” Song Futan said. He had encountered the previous Huang Immortal and, even though he couldn’t see its face or smell its scent, the feeling he got from it was entirely different. His intuition told him they weren’t the same.
Lan He thought to himself, well, there are plenty of Huang Immortals. It seems I wasn’t lucky enough to catch the right one. “So, that’s why you surrendered so completely. You realized my connection with First Lady Hu. Fine, then swear it wasn’t you.”
Oaths resonate with heaven and earth. The weasel weakly said, “I swear, if I stole anything, may I turn into a warty toad.”
Lan He sneered, “Is that even an oath? Did you really steal it?”
The weasel hurriedly shook its head, “No, no! I swear, if I stole the golden mouse, may I be fried in oil for a hundred years.”
Lan He said, “That’s more like it…”
The weasel sighed in relief and fawned, “Master, is that sufficient now?”
Lan He smiled at it and then punched it again. “Sufficient? You still dared to bully our Xiao Song and my donkey! Didn’t you see the sign on its neck saying ‘Eastern Peak Underworld’?”
The little lame donkey snorted twice, stomping on the weasel’s head with its hooves. It had even snatched the sign, but the weasel kept playing dumb.
The weasel’s face was swollen, and it whimpered dramatically, “I really thought that was fake too! Master, I know I was wrong now. So this person is under your protection. I have a wife and children, please be merciful and forgive me! I swear I won’t dare do it again, or may I be fried in oil for two hundred years! If First Lady Hu finds out, she won’t let me off!”
Lan He let No. 001 vent its anger before saying, “Hmph, let’s leave this matter aside for now…”
He still needed to send a message to Old Bai. He had informed him earlier, but Old Bai hadn’t shown up yet. He didn’t want him to make a wasted trip.
The weasel was already in a pitiful state, and just as it breathed a sigh of relief, Lan He demanded, “Now, explain to me clearly. Did you occupy Old Yu’s ancestral grave?!”
The weasel: “………………”
There’s more?!
It was dumbfounded. They say weasels are quick to adapt, but this master had already brought up three cases in a flash. It first thought he was here for the donkey, then heard about the golden mouse, and now he was talking about the Yu family’s matter.
The weasel couldn’t help but ask, “…Master, who are you really here to stand up for?”
Lan He replied, “Can’t I handle three things at once?”
The weasel: “…”
Song Futan: “…”
Seeing the weasel at a loss for words, Lan He continued, “A Gu Master I know was hired by their family to mediate. And it just so happens you bullied my donkey. Understand?”
He casually pushed the blame onto Ying Shao.
Song Futan suddenly remembered something, “Is it the Yu family from Kunlun Pictures?”
Lan He replied, “Yeah, you know them too?”
As soon as he said this, he thought, of course, didn’t the Yu family try to hire Master Budong?
Song Futan nodded and said, “My father has some connections with their family, so I heard about it.” Yu Hangjia also tried to invite Master Budong through his family, but was unsuccessful.
Hearing this, Lan He’s thoughts drifted slightly. So, Xiao Song is connected to the Yu family in real life… I don’t know anything about Song Futan’s real life; we only ever talk about ghosts and spirits. But Lan He felt that, perhaps due to his extensive experience, Xiao Song spoke of ghosts and spirits as if they were people, with deep insight.
At that moment, Lan He became curious about what Song Futan was like in the world of the living…
“Yes, I occupied it!” The weasel’s raspy voice brought Lan He back to reality. “Yes, yes, I admit it! But I did it openly to seek revenge. Lord Impermanence, a hundred years ago, that Yu family member was just a child when he encountered me on the mountain in his hometown. I was in the process of transcending a trial and asked him for approval.”
Seeking approval was one of the cultivation methods of the Four Great Sects, more commonly used by the Huang Sect, similar to alchemy in the Hu Sect or exorcism in the Bai Sect. The Huang Sect cultivates by passing trials, seeking approval from humans, the spirits of all things. They would ask, “Do I look human?”
If they asked three people in a row, and all said yes, they could shed their beast form. But if someone said no, all their previous efforts would be in vain.
Because stories about the Hu and Huang Sects were widely known, this tale of seeking approval was something even Lan He had heard of. Even without an explanation, he understood the general idea.
The weasel said, aggrieved, “I was down to the last person. I asked him, ‘Do I look like an immortal?’ He said, ‘You look like a melon head!'”
—Old Master Yu was originally from Sichuan. It’s no surprise he blurted out ‘melon head’ upon seeing a weasel with a melon rind for a hat and ragged clothes.
“I could only cry and return to start cultivating again. And ever since, the nearby immortals have been laughing at me, calling me ‘Melon Head Immortal.’ Over time, I couldn’t shake the name. Everyone knows ‘Melon Head Immortal,’ but no one remembers my real name.”
Lan He: “…”
Should this be considered the power of a name or of belief?
Even though ‘Melon Head Immortal’ never accepted the name, everyone else called him that. Somehow, this nickname was acknowledged by heaven and earth. If enough people started calling Lan He ‘Master Lan He’ or ‘Xiao Lai,’ even the underworld records might reflect that.
Lan He said helplessly, “Aren’t ordinary weasels supposed to ask if they look like humans?”
Melon Head Immortal, ashamed, replied, “I was just hoping to skip a step!”
—If someone had really told him that he looked like an immortal, he would have been set. After all, the title of “Immortal” is what the truly ascended beings are called, like those worshiped at the tea pavilion on Miaogan Mountain, where Liu Si Zhenren was revered. Liu Si was a Taoist who had attained immortality through good deeds and cultivation, step by step. But this weasel tried to take a shortcut and ended up being scorned as a “melon head.”
Lan He shook his head and said, “Greed has no end, like a snake trying to swallow an elephant.”
Some adults might fear retribution from the immortals and either say they look like humans or avoid answering, but children are bold and don’t care about such things.
The title of “Immortal” is reserved for those who have truly attained it, but the name “Melon Head Immortal” is nothing but a mockery. The weasel removed the melon rind from its head and wiped away nonexistent tears, “But my cultivation was ruined! I suffered greatly. After finally regaining my powers, I sought revenge, but after a hundred years of cultivation, the person had long since died and become a People’s Artist, with people constantly tending to his grave. The golden light from the tomb was so bright that I couldn’t get close. I guarded it for years before finally getting the chance to invade his ancestral grave and take revenge on his descendants.”
The Hu and Huang sects are known for their mischievousness. Even households that worship protective household deities are wary of these two sects because they are unpredictable. If a household fails to show proper respect, they could be severely punished.
Melon Head Immortal deeply believed that the Yu family owed him for ruining his cultivation and held a grudge for a century.
Lan He, whose film was also affected, gave Melon Head Immortal another punch. “You’re so petty; no wonder you can’t become an immortal!”
Melon Head Immortal was already flattened, utterly dejected. “Reconciliation is impossible. I will make sure their family suffers for eight generations!” As he said this, he noticed the change in Lan He’s expression and quickly shifted his tone, “But if they show enough sincerity, they could worship my entire family as their household deity. I would naturally ensure their family prospers for eight generations.”
Lan He: “…”
Indeed, the Huang Sect is quick to adapt. In folk traditions, not all household deities were benevolently invited. Some were vengeful spirits who had been wronged, wounded, or harmed and came seeking revenge.
As long as a proper negotiator could appease them, the two sides could reach an agreement, turning the vengeful spirit into a household deity. It was a way of repaying a debt with offerings—both sides could benefit.
Lan He said, “They’re already well off. Besides, they might not even be willing. I’m not getting involved in this; I’ll just take you to discuss it with the Yu family. Where is your family?”
He remembered that the Yu family had also invited a Mr. Ma, and Ying Shao had come along as well. He had to follow them to ensure this damned weasel returned the logo and stopped interfering with his film release.
…
Yu Hangjia and his group arrived at the cemetery a bit late. Since the opponent was likely a Huang Immortal, and Mr. Ma had a better understanding of animal immortals, Mr. Ma had already prepared two crooked-neck phoenixes—actually roast chickens, as they called chickens “little phoenixes.”
Both Hu and Huang immortals usually enjoy eating chicken, so they had prepared roast chickens as offerings to appease their own immortals and the opposing Huang Immortal after negotiations.
Yu Hangjia had originally not wanted to come, having promised his father and with his great-grandfather’s grave involved. His wife had also advised against it, but he steeled himself and went in anyway.
He had informed the cemetery management beforehand, so they were not stopped as they headed straight to his great-grandfather’s grave.
As they approached, even before reaching the grave, Yu Hangjia gasped. Although this was a public cemetery, it was quite upscale, with good feng shui and a garden-like design. The large burial plot included smaller, self-contained plots. The area was spacious, with soil, plants, and some small design elements his family had added to his great-grandfather’s grave.
Now, as he looked around, he noticed that a specially planted cypress tree had fallen, and the bricks above had collapsed, pressing down on his great-grandfather’s grave. Yu Hangjia was furious, blaming the cemetery management for their negligence. If not for Mr. Ma’s inspection, he would have never known.
Moreover, as they reached the grave, everyone was overwhelmed by a strong, foul odor.
Remembering the talk about a Huang Immortal, Yu Hangjia was even more convinced. Covering his nose, he asked, “Mr. Ma, what should we do now?”
“This creature has already violated your ancestor’s grave. Light three yellow sticks!” Mr. Ma instructed. His assistants immediately lit three incense sticks at the grave. The term “yellow sticks” referred to incense, with three sticks representing the three talents of heaven, earth, and man. Lighting the incense was meant to allow the household immortals to communicate with the external immortal, serving as both a signal and a means of divination.
As soon as the incense was lit, the sticks emitted no flame but thick black smoke, and the resulting ash was also black. The assistants’ eyelids twitched nervously.
Ying Shao, being a Gu Master, was unfamiliar with Mr. Ma’s customs but could sense that something was wrong. The Gu worms in his chest were restless, warning him that the situation was dangerous.
Ying Shao became fully alert, touching the Gu worms at his chest. Just then, the three incense sticks suddenly toppled over!
An ominous sign… Ying Shao’s heart pounded.
The next second, Yu Hangjia suddenly spoke up, “Let’s put the crooked-neck phoenix on the grave. It won’t taste good if it gets cold.”
Ying Shao cursed inwardly. Yu Hangjia’s previously steady voice now sounded strangely high-pitched, almost feminine.
After speaking, Yu Hangjia reached out to grab the roast chicken.
The roast chicken had been prepared with Mr. Ma’s family’s secret recipe, using carefully selected young roosters, simmered for hours with star anise, cinnamon, tsaoko, angelica, ginger, and other spices until flavorful, and then roasted to a tempting golden-brown color that made anyone’s mouth water.
Mr. Ma’s face turned grim, and with his assistants, he moved to grab Yu Hangjia from either side. However, Yu Hangjia’s strength was immense, and he easily tossed them aside. Mr. Ma was furious, summoning his household immortals. The immortal spoke through him, saying, “The front horse calls for the Yin-Yang drum, the back horse for the lesser deities. The patient is ready, light the yellow incense and present the offering, then sit him on the grave and toss him out!”
Hearing this, the assistants threw the sacred drum at Yu Hangjia, causing his body to stiffen. They then managed to drag him to the grave and sit him on it, preparing to toss him off. Ying Shao stood ready below to catch him.
At this point, Mr. Ma paused and then said in a sharp voice, “This weasel is a female, not a male, and it’s from the same family as the one we dealt with earlier!”
Was it not the same one from before? A male and a female—a family, perhaps. Ying Shao hurriedly said, “Whether it’s male or female, let’s get it out of Yu Hangjia first!”
Mr. Ma sighed deeply, “I’m afraid that won’t work!”
Ying Shao was puzzled as to why when he suddenly saw Mr. Ma and his assistants let go simultaneously. Yu Hangjia fell backward, landing on Ying Shao, who was then caught in a chokehold with a twisted posture. Unprepared, Ying Shao found himself gasping for breath as his windpipe was squeezed shut, his face turning purple as he struggled to pry Yu Hangjia’s hands off and summon his golden silkworm Gu.
But for some reason, the area around the golden silkworm Gu in his chest was eerily silent.
The air grew thinner, and the scene before him gradually blurred. Struggling, he bit his tongue hard, chanting a spell. In the next moment, the buzzing of the golden silkworm Gu filled his ears, and his mind, as if struck by a hammer, instantly cleared.
Ying Shao focused his gaze and realized that he wasn’t on the grave mound; he was still standing in the same spot. Yu Hangjia wasn’t choking him at all—in fact, his own hands were wrapped around his neck!
In front of him was a small yellow spirit, its two paws clasped together against its chest, staring up at him with red, eerily glowing eyes.
Seeing that Ying Shao had snapped out of it, the small yellow spirit darted a few steps away, hiding behind a larger yellow spirit.
—There were three yellow spirits present: one large and two small.
One of the smaller yellow spirits was focused on Yu Hangjia, who was lost in some illusion, half-naked, incessantly kowtowing before the grave, his forehead covered in blood. The large yellow spirit had ensnared Mr. Ma and his companions, who were now fighting among themselves.
The yellow spirit’s ability to bewitch minds was truly formidable. Fortunately, Ying Shao was a Gu Master; though Mr. Ma was a disciple of the spirit medium, even the household spirits couldn’t resist this yellow spirit. Ying Shao frantically called out to the others, “Mr. Ma, wake up! Mr. Yu! Mr. Yu!”
The small yellow spirit tried to rush at him again, but this time Ying Shao was prepared, with his Gu spirit guarding him and keeping him alert. He thought to himself, for the money, I’ll fight to the end!
Just as he was about to charge forward, he saw a red lantern floating slowly towards him, accompanied by a familiar figure wearing a tall hat. Beside him was a ghost in a black robe, leading a lame donkey. Ying Shao was both surprised and delighted; it’s said that only those with low fortune can see the underworld officers, and here he was, seeing the spirit of Master Lai without even summoning him. It must have been due to the yellow spirit possessing him earlier. “Master Lai?! Master Lai, it’s me!”
But as Master Lai drew closer, Ying Shao realized that he was holding a paper string tied to the neck of another yellow spirit. Ying Shao was even more elated—he knew Master Lai wouldn’t aid and abet the wicked.
He hesitated when he saw the figure in the black robe, who wasn’t bound and didn’t look like a ghost. But given the urgency of the situation, he didn’t dwell on it and instead pleaded, “Master Lai, please save my benefactor!”
“…Hold on.” Lan He responded and glanced at Melon Head Immortal. The weasel raised itself and said a few words to its wife and child, and the eerie glow in their eyes faded as they retracted their magic and huddled close to Melon Head Immortal.
Melon Head Immortal’s wife was only about two-thirds its size, and the child was even smaller.
Yu Hangjia and Mr. Ma’s group regained consciousness. Yu Hangjia touched his sore forehead, feeling the blood and pain as he grimaced and stood up. Seeing four weasels crouched near Ying Shao, including one wearing a melon rind hat and looking disturbingly human-like with eyes that seemed to glow in the dark, he was nearly scared to death and quickly hid behind Mr. Ma.
“Mr. Ma, that’s Master Lai! And that yellow spirit is the one he caught!” Ying Shao proudly announced. If Yu Hangjia was like his benefactor in the living world, then Master Lai was his benefactor in the underworld.
Mr. Ma and his assistants saw Lan He’s hat and their faces twitched, but they didn’t dare be disrespectful. They quickly bowed and greeted, “Master Lai.”
The spirit within Mr. Ma also spoke through him, “So it’s the Underworld Officer of Eastern Peak. Many thanks for your help today.”
Lan He nodded, “It was an act of justice. I’ve brought this yellow spirit to you for proper negotiation.” Although he said this, it was clear to everyone that he had been quite rough with the weasel.
Yu Hangjia, unable to see what was happening, looked around in confusion, “Huh?”
Ying Shao thought for a moment and realized, “Mr. Yu is wearing a gourd pendant, which blocks out the yin energy, so he can’t see Master Lai. This is the Underworld Officer I mentioned, uh, and also…”
He looked at Song Futan, unsure how to introduce him. “Master Lai, this is…?”
Lan He joked, “In black clothes, who do you think he resembles?”
Ying Shao’s lips twitched, “Could he be your… partner?”
Lan He: “…”
Ying Shao quickly corrected himself, “Sorry, I mean your partner? Black Impermanence? But there’s no uniform…”
Lan He felt a bit embarrassed by Ying Shao’s rambling, but maintained his composure, “He’s in plainclothes. The hat was inscribed with ‘Everyone’s Gone.'”
Ying Shao: “…”
His first reaction was disbelief, but looking at Master Lai’s hat, he fell silent. The underworld was full of surprises. Come to think of it, “Since I’m Already Here” and “Everyone’s Gone” do match quite well.
Yu Hangjia remained confused, “Who now?”
Mr. Ma explained, “Master Lai and a colleague have captured the yellow spirit, so now we can properly negotiate with them.” He exchanged a glance with his assistants, recognizing that this particular Underworld Officer was no ordinary figure. Underworld spirits were usually fond of wealth, so they treated Lan He with the utmost respect, saying, “Master Lai, we’re grateful for your help today. We don’t have much to offer…”
Lan He’s gaze shifted immediately to the two roast chickens. Those Northeastern roast chickens smelled so good.
But Mr. Ma pulled out a cloth bag, “But we did bring a bag of spirit money. Please accept it.”
*What kind of offering is that?*
Lan He looked off into the distance and said, “I’m not interested in (spirit) money.”
Melon Head Immortal: “…”
Mr. Ma: “…………???”
Is this even a real underworld officer? Who isn’t interested in money? Does he not follow traditional Chinese customs?
Even the spirit within Mr. Ma felt indignant: The Master is showing off a bit too much.
Yu Hangjia, still confused, asked, “What did he say?”
The spirit within Mr. Ma tearfully replied, “He said he’s not interested in money…”
Yu Hangjia: “…”
Lan He thought to himself, is this what it feels like to show off in front of a big shot?
Author’s Note:
The weasel’s ears are actually quite cute…