AGJN 074: Don’t You All Know Him?

Liu 13 had fought countless battles over the years, but he had never encountered anyone like Lan He and Song Futan. Was he the one who was venomous (snake venom), or were these two the toxic ones?

The paper mongoose, though crafted from paper, was surprisingly effective. With the addition of Song Futan’s cinnabar-empowered runes, it showcased the power of knowledge and natural predator-prey relationships.

Mongooses are natural snake predators, equipped with venom resistance, capable of dealing with snakes like pit vipers and cobras. The giant mongoose immediately bit down on Liu 13’s weak point, holding him mid-air.

This also caused the Great Immortal, who was caught in Liu 13’s jaws, to be suspended mid-air.

The Great Immortal: “……”

But the sharp quills were too much, and Liu 13 spat the Great Immortal out in one swift motion.

The Great Immortal rolled a few times on the ground, quickly cleaning off the venomous snake saliva—dangerous stuff—and darted away. He transformed into a white-robed elder, bowing slightly to Lan He. “Hold him off for now. I’ll save the poisoned and reform the array.”

Lan He, startled, finally realized—oh, so this is what the Great Immortal looks like.

The Great Immortal had white hair and a beard, his long hair silky and smooth, his complexion rosy, and a pair of small, round, thick-lensed glasses perched on his nose. His eyes didn’t sparkle with wisdom but rather glistened with tears, as though overwhelmed by social anxiety when facing humans.

“…” Lan He kindly averted his gaze first. “We’ll do our best.”

Because he had come to the awards ceremony, he had neither his paper charms nor the staff that Master Budong had given him. All he could clutch was the chain.

Lan He unfolded the spirit plate and placed it before the unconscious masters to prevent Liu 13 from disturbing them. Meanwhile, Song Futan wrote a talisman with the words “Unknowingly Not Water” and inscribed Zhong Kui to prevent it from being washed away by the rain.

The pack of mongooses relentlessly attacked Liu 13. Although the giant snake was bitten at its weak spot, it seemed less concerned since the attacker was made of paper. Sweeping its tail, Liu 13 struck another paper mongoose, but instead of turning to ash, it only cracked slightly, its golden glow flashing briefly. Liu 13 had to constrict tightly to wear it down slowly. The paper lasted much longer than Lan He had expected.

Taking advantage of Liu 13 being preoccupied, the Great Immortal began detoxifying the poisoned masters. Without help, their lives were at risk.

The white Great Immortal excelled in healing, and as he worked, Lan He continued folding paper into mongooses and throwing them into the fray. Song Futan enlarged them, ensuring a constant supply of attackers to distract Liu 13.

Liu 13 grew increasingly agitated. Though not as quick-witted as the Hu Sect, he soon realized he needed to eliminate the source. Ignoring the mongoose gnawing at his weak spot, he lunged at Lan He.

Lan He paused his folding and dodged aside, narrowly evading the strike, ending up by the poolside.

Focusing entirely on Liu 13, Lan He didn’t notice a sudden tug at his ankle. Glancing down, he saw the willow branches from the riverside twisting toward him, pulling him toward the water.

Lan He fell forward, grabbing onto the grass roots for dear life. The branches were incredibly strong.

Seeing this, Song Futan initially moved to cut the branches restraining Lan He, but a thought struck him. Instead, he turned toward Liu 13.

Liu 13 glanced at him. “Little monk…”

Song Futan didn’t bother correcting him; being mistaken for a monk or lay Buddhist was common, and monks had indeed tried to recruit him.

Liu 13’s tail whipped toward him. After dodging twice, Song Futan stopped and countered with a stab.

Liu 13, wary of the sword, twisted sharply to avoid it, only to see a soul-binding chain suddenly appear around Song Futan’s wrist. The other end was tied to Lan He’s hand but had looped twice around Liu 13’s snake body. As Liu 13 moved, Lan He was yanked upward, snapping the willow branches controlled by Liu 13.

Lan He was pulled right in front of Liu 13, with him and Song Futan holding either side of the chain that now restrained the giant snake. Liu 13 was already bound by several ropes from the Great Immortal; now, the soul-binding chain was added to the mix.

“Cunning!! Bald thief!!” Liu 13 roared, ignoring Lan He’s protests that his boyfriend wasn’t bald.

So that’s why the little monk had been maneuvering earlier—to bind him further. Enraged, the black snake began chanting, causing the willow branches to grow even longer, binding the giant paper mongooses.

He glared at Lan He. “I came from the East, encountered a pool, and saw a dragon with nine heads and eighteen tails. I asked what it ate, and it said: brazen little devils…”

The snake’s mouth opened wide!

…

Meanwhile, outside, the soldiers, after speaking with Si Kong, selected a young tiger-born soldier named Yang Hu. He was instructed to follow the monk’s directions and not panic, no matter what he saw.

Yang Hu ran into the park under the pouring rain. A flash of lightning illuminated the scene, revealing a massive black snake and two figures pulling it with chains. In the next instant, the lightning vanished, and the figures disappeared, leaving only the snake behind.

Yang Hu swallowed hard. He was brave, but fear of snakes seemed ingrained in human nature. Silent and sudden in their attacks, snakes had terrified human ancestors, passing that fear down through generations.

And this snake wasn’t ordinary. Its massive size set it apart. Yang Hu had been stationed outside for days, forbidden from investigating the truth. But in this moment, he couldn’t stop himself from wondering: why was such a large snake so carefully contained? Who were the monks, and what were the strange sounds he had heard? Had he stepped into a mystical world?

The male and female protagonists on the big screen were still frolicking under the blue skies and white clouds, completely at odds with the current scene, where a few people lay on the ground. Yang Hu retracted his shocked gaze from the black snake, still mindful of the superior’s instructions. Without daring to think further, he ran to Master Budong. “Hello, what do you need me to do?”

Master Budong was multitasking and couldn’t speak, so Si Kong spoke on his behalf, “Stretch out your hand!”

A character for “snake” was written on Yang Hu’s hand. Si Kong handed him a rope with a talisman wrapped in insulation and hurriedly said, “Grip it tightly, stand on this spot, and don’t move no matter what.”

Yang Hu nodded vigorously. After receiving the talisman, he looked again and saw more figures at the scene—the ones he had glimpsed during the lightning earlier—and even an old man. This time, he saw clearly that one of them was wearing a hat, resembling a ghost from a folktale. While dodging, the figure shouted, “Careful, be careful of its poison!”

Yang Hu’s face felt numb. Clutching the talisman and rope tightly, he stood frozen. Then he saw the large black snake open its mouth wide and suddenly lunge. Ordinarily, such a sudden snake attack would be hard to evade, but the ghost-like figure not only dodged but also scratched the black snake with long nails. Flipping over, he rode the snake’s back and shouted, “Ugh! Snake skin!”

The black snake: “………………”

Though the black snake said nothing, Yang Hu felt it was speechless.

The ghost-like figure appeared disgusted by the feel of the snake skin, yet he remained seated on the snake, tightly strangling it with a chain. Meanwhile, another black-clad figure wielding a sword thrust it into the snake, aiming directly at its vital spot.

Yang Hu’s eyes widened, and he held his breath.

However, even though the sword struck the black snake’s weak point and left a scorched wound, it was far from lethal. In pain, the snake lashed out, flinging both the ghost-like figure and the swordsman far away.

The ghost-like figure, now thrown off, looked at his outer garment, which had been corroded to tatters. Just touching this snake carried poison.

Why is this happening? Yang Hu was still dazed when he heard an elderly man in white mutter, “It’s time.”

Yang Hu didn’t even react at first because the statement didn’t sound like a command until Si Kong shouted, “Attention, it’s starting!”

The Great Immortal had already revived the other masters, though they were still too incapacitated to move. Their only ability was to call reinforcements by phone.

The Great Immortal returned to his position and began chanting incantations. Inwardly, he felt bitter, as the optimal moment for action had already passed, but there was no turning back now. He had to press on. “Summon the Thunder General, summon the Thunder Soldiers, raise the Thunder Drums, strike the Thunder Spirit… Dispatch the Five Thunders swiftly!”

Yang Hu felt a sudden heat in his palm. The rope in their hands crackled with electric light, and the black snake, hissing, rose partially upright, its shadow enveloping everyone. Yang Hu felt that at any moment, they might be swept away. He was closest to the snake, but he remembered Si Kong’s warning, so he stood his ground without moving a muscle.

Silver electrical sparks danced along the rope, leaping onto the black snake’s dark scales. The snake writhed in pain on the lawn, tearing up the freshly laid sod. A scent of roasted meat wafted in the air.

At that moment, Yang Hu felt the snake seemingly glance at him.

The glance made his scalp tingle. This snake seemed almost… human. No, not human—its intelligence felt eerie and demonic. As the sensation of numbness crept up his legs, he recalled an old saying from his hometown: “Pythons wrap the waist; snakes coil the legs.” He’d never understood it, thinking snakes could wrap waists too. Now, he had a vague realization: it likely referred to snake spirits.

Unconsciously, Yang Hu sat down. His hands, now numb, released the talisman.

The electrical light abruptly ceased. After all, he was just an ordinary man. Though they had specially chosen his zodiac sign, it couldn’t compensate for missing the prime moment. Liu 13’s power was already surging.

They needed more people—not just more bodies, but the right kind of people for this task.

Lan He considered his own body’s proximity and stepped back two paces, saying, “Wait, I’ll go…”

“Thinking of switching bodies to complete the formation?” Liu 13 sneered, shaking off the ropes on his body. “Go ahead! If a Living Impermanent comes, I’ll make you a real ghost, turn you into my chef! And let me tell you, I won’t pay you, nor will you ever eat your fill! I’ll lock you in a crack in the stone… no, the jade of the Dragon Palace, and only let you out when it’s time to cook!”

The black snake roared and slammed its tail, causing Si Kong to collapse forward. Like Yang Hu, his legs gave out. Yang Hu was an ordinary person, and Si Kong was still far from his master’s level. Now they were two short.

Liu 13’s ability to expose Lan He’s identity didn’t surprise him. Even the Great Immortal could tell he was a Living Impermanent. What concerned him more was the lack of two people. Would Song Futan have to step in?

Daoist Jiang He, holding his phone, could only move his hands. He sent a text to his disciple, unsure if reinforcements would arrive in time—or if they would suffice for the formation.

Just then, two whirlwinds swept in.

A fox darted out first, transforming into a red-clad girl who grabbed the rope from Si Kong’s hand. From the second whirlwind emerged Bai Xian, adjusting his glasses. He took the rope from Yang Hu’s hand, tightening it to secure Liu 13 once more.

The Great Immortal, seeing them, exclaimed, “No, you two…”

Hu 79 pulled out a vial containing gold-tipped furnace ash. “Don’t worry, I’ve got medicine!”

The Great Immortal: “…”

The efficacy of gold-tipped furnace ash left the Great Immortal speechless. The Hu family always dared greatly, relying on their ability to heal themselves before being killed outright.

The Great Immortal then looked at Bai Wu.

Bai Wu murmured like a mosquito, “… Me too.”

Lan He: “…………”

Lan He couldn’t bear to watch anymore. At a time like this, couldn’t he be a bit more assertive? What’s with saying “me too”?

Hu 79 grinned, revealing cold glints from her canine teeth. “Great Immortal, this formation may not be enough. Someone still needs to strike its weak spot.”

Lan He: “That’s easier said than done. Earlier… even cutting at its vital point didn’t work.”

He was referring to Song Futan’s earlier strike.

Hu 79 replied, “It’s not the vital point! The Liu clan’s cultivation places all their spiritual essence in the head. Whenever we fight, we target the Liu clan’s head. That’s why the Liu clan is generally not very bright…”

It was unclear whether Hu 79 was deliberately provoking or simply speaking habitually, but Liu 13 was enraged, thrashing violently. “You audacious fox!”

Hu 79’s claws dug into the ground as she barely managed to hold her ground. She turned her head with difficulty to ask Lan He, “What’s that painting your family has? It’s interesting.”

Lan He: “That? It’s Dou Chunting’s top-tier spiritual judgment from ’82.”

Hu 79 stared at him.

Lan He: “………Not a good idea!!”

Hu 79 struggled to hold the rope tightly. “If not now, when?”

Lan He: “Easy for you to say! Do you know how long it takes to earn millions?! Wait—hold on, let me at least give it a shot first!”

He had only just gained popularity after years of obscurity and hadn’t saved much yet!

The “Chaozhen Painting” burning would already be a loss. Burning the spiritual judgment would leave him with no way to compensate. He wasn’t some wealthy second-generation like Dou Chunting who could casually toss around millions. Saving money wherever possible seemed wise.

Hu 79: “……”

She didn’t want to argue but lacked the strength to speak. Instead, she glared at Song Futan. It was ridiculous—this was something from his cousin’s collection.

Song Futan was speechless too, feeling pity for Lan He’s frugality. He wanted to say, “Don’t fight anymore, just burn it.”

But then Bai Wu sobbed, pulling the rope tightly. “Master, don’t be stingy; this is all my fault!”

Song Futan: “??”

He slowly said, “No, it’s my fault. You’re still just a child.”

“No, it’s my fault!” Bai Wu cried. “I live in the God of Wealth Tower yet failed to make you rich! It’s my negligence in fulfilling my duties…”

Song Futan: “…”

Lan He felt a headache coming on.

But Daoist Jiang He, lying on the ground, raised his hand. “Fine, I’ll pay. Just burn it.”

He was bewildered that this person—Lan He, a supposed Living Impermanent—was so unremarkable in the mortal world. With his status in the underworld, making money in the mortal world should’ve been a cinch.

The other two masters also nodded eagerly. “Hurry up, hurry up.”

Couldn’t they see how much the snake was struggling? Any more delay, and it’d be too late.

“Fine.” Lan He reluctantly agreed. He folded the vibrant *Zhong Kui* painting into a paper garment and burned it. The spiritual judgment turned to ash, which wrapped around his previously venom-corroded outer garment. Instantly, it transformed into a dazzling red robe.

Dressed in fiery red, Lan He leapt onto Liu 13. With the power of *Zhong Kui* coursing through him, he clasped his hands together and struck downward. His elbow landed lightly on Liu 13’s head, yet the force sent Liu 13 crashing down, creating a pit in the dirt.

Lan He clenched his fist and struck Liu 13’s head twice more. Each blow elicited a scream, and Liu 13’s figure weakened with each hit.

Hu 79’s eyes lit up as she shrieked, “Master, you’re amazing!!”

Daoist Jiang He nodded slightly. “Remarkable talent.” Knowing now that Lan He was a Living Impermanent changed his tone.

Song Futan was similarly impressed, marveling at how someone could look equally stunning in both white and red robes.

Liu 13, bound and unable to fight back, was panicking. From hating the monk to cursing the grim-faced Daoist and finally to resenting Lan He, he was utterly indignant. Yet he could only shout, “I yield! I yield! Stop hitting me!”

If his head were broken, all his cultivation would be lost.

Lan He looked at Master Budong. “Great Immortal?”

Master Budong spoke softly, “You know the rules.”

Liu 13 grudgingly said, “So we’re negotiating now? Fine. I’ll back off and stop bothering you all, but you can’t leave me empty-handed. How about this: hold a ceremony, and let me finish watching my show.”

He was clearly familiar with the rules, presenting an offer of retreat in good faith. “Oh, and…”

Liu 13 scanned the group before speaking unpleasantly, “Since you defeated me, you should provide me a place to stay. I’ll settle at this Living Impermanent’s house and accept offerings from now on.”

It sounded as if he’d been wronged.

Still intending to turn me into a cook, huh? Lan He muttered under his breath, “You’re dreaming.”

Liu 13: “?”

The previously silent Master Budong slowly opened his eyes and said, “Because of your actions, the central town’s stabilizing bridge location was exposed. For the sake of the capital, once the bridge is built, you must guard it for a hundred years as its stabilizing spirit.”

Liu 13: “……”

Enraged, Liu 13 immediately struggled. “Nonsense! You dare make this dragon a mere bridge guardian?!”

Before he could move, Lan He slammed him back into the ground. Sparks of electricity crackled, and the smell of roasting flesh grew stronger as the black snake flattened in pain.

Master Budong declared, “Karma is inevitable, and retribution is clear. Were it not for your self-proclaimed dragonhood, which drew attention from all sides, I would not have needed to expose the stabilizing bridge’s existence. Making you its guardian—shouldn’t that be expected?”

The moment he chose to dispel the rumors, Master Budong had decided: if Liu 13 could be subdued, he would guard the bridge in the park.

Liu 13 hadn’t anticipated such a result. Unable to move, he flicked his tail weakly, regret swelling within him.

Master Budong pressed, “Do you accept?”

Liu 13 stared at the crackling electricity and Lan He’s fist. Reluctantly, he asked, “Can I still finish my show?”

Master Budong smiled. “You can. If you guard the bridge, there will be many more shows for you to enjoy.”

After a moment of silence, Liu 13 said, “I hate living under a bridge. Plant a big tree beside it so I can coil up in its branches during the day. Surely you won’t restrict my movements entirely?”

“As long as you guard the bridge, your comings and goings will not be constrained,” Master Budong replied.

Liu 13 exhaled in relief. Thankfully, their demands weren’t excessively harsh. “Fine, but when you’re building the bridge, include one of my shed scales. That way, I can always sense the bridge’s condition and help conceal its precise location.”

Master Budong nodded. “Excellent.”

Lan He added, “Also, you need to explain why you came here. Was someone behind it?”

Liu 13 was about to answer when his eyes gleamed. “A question for a question. If you want me to answer, give me an incense tower.”

That wasn’t much, so Lan He casually agreed. “Deal.”

Liu 13: “No one sent me. It’s just that you’re building a bridge nearby.”

Lan He: “Really? Then why wake up from your secluded cultivation?”

Liu 13 quickly responded, “Another important question. If you want me to answer, you’ll have to keep providing me incense offerings!”

Hu 79 spat. Shameless! Living outside, not even needing plumbing, yet asking for incense offerings.

Lan He thought Liu 13 wasn’t particularly bright. He hadn’t specified frequency or quantity, so offering three sticks of incense each birthday would suffice. Sighing, he pretended to struggle before replying, “Fine.”

Liu 13 beamed. “I don’t really know. It just kept getting hotter, and I woke up. Maybe it’s that greenhouse effect mentioned in *Geometry of Dreams*.”

Everyone: “……”

That’s surprisingly resourceful.

Lan He was speechless. So Liu 13 was just throwing out random demands. Fortunately, they weren’t too strict, or the losses would have been immense. Looking at the snake, Lan He still felt uncomfortable, especially with the texture of its skin.

But Liu 13 didn’t seem to be lying. So waking up and finding this place really was just a coincidence?

Lan He jumped down from Liu 13’s head, and the Great Immortal dispelled the formation. Liu 13 transformed into a young man dressed in black, his long hair tied back, his face gloomy. Though his features were striking, they carried a fierce aura, with a scar running across one cheek.

Lan He stared at him for a while.

Liu 13, feeling smug, thought to himself that his dragon-like charisma had surely left Lan He in awe.

Lan He: “…You really *were* hit on the head too hard!”

Liu 13: “*&￥#@￥!”

…

By now, the negotiations were mostly settled. Daoist Jiang He was helped to his feet, and he carefully studied Lan He, marveling, “I never would have thought Mr. Lai was a Living Impermanent. We had no idea—you truly are discreet.”

Living Impermanents rarely hid their identities so thoroughly, even within their own circles.

Liu 13 scoffed and said irritably, “Are you blind? Don’t you all know him already?”

Daoist Jiang He: “???”

The other masters were stunned. What did he mean by “don’t you all know him”? Could it be that Impermanent Lai’s mortal identity was already known in the religious community of the capital?

Who could it be, then? Someone from the Daoist sects? No, that couldn’t be it—they had family spirits, so maybe an incense leader?

Still wrong. They all knew him…?

If they already knew him, surely he’d have some fame in the industry. But why couldn’t they recall anyone with such skills that they all recognized? What sect or lineage could he possibly belong to?

Everyone stared at Lan He in confusion. Maybe it was psychological, but the longer they looked, the more familiar he seemed—yet they still couldn’t place him.

Do we… really know him?

Lan He: “…”

He had initially planned to switch to his corporeal form to help with the formation, so now that Liu 13 had exposed him, he felt surprisingly calm. He’d been through worse. What was one more revelation?

He wondered if he should try fooling these old men again. Would they fall for it? Or would they, like Ying Shao, eventually piece it together?

“We really don’t recognize him,” Daoist Jiang He muttered, scratching his head furiously, his already messy hair nearly coming undone.

As he spoke, the big screen, still playing *Geometry of Dreams*, showed the female lead’s brother again. The male lead had his hand clamped over the brother’s mouth, gripping his neck, leaving only a pair of eyes visible.

One glance:

Those were Impermanent Lai’s eyes.

On the massive screen behind them were the actor’s eyes, blown up for all to see.

The eyes were identical.

There was no denying it anymore. If they still claimed not to recognize him, they might as well admit to being blind.

The masters: “………………”

…Holy crap, they *did* know him!! Not just them, but their entire families, neighbors included!!

---

Author’s Note:

Hu 79: “Of course you know him. Master is a huge celebrity!!”

Lan He: “Once you get used to your aliases being exposed again and again, it’s just whatever.”