The trouble starts as soon as the disguise falls. After keeping up his act for so many years, he had never encountered a situation like this, surrounded by foxes eyeing him with such fervor.
A sea of foxes stood before him, their eyes glowing as they stared at him. Petals of henna fell like rain onto his body. The Hu Clan only seemed to have one trick up their sleeve—bombarding him with samples.
Lan He, expressionless, said, “Don’t throw them. No, don’t. If you insist on giving me something, give me your fur instead. There’s a saying: ‘Many a little makes a mickle.’”
The foxes weren’t the least bit intimidated:
“Don’t say that, just try it first.”
“If we each give you a little fur, will you take us all in? That works! I’ll pluck my armpit fur right now.”
“Remember, I’m Hu 178. I’ve been cultivating on Mount XX…”
“I don’t have many skills, but my cooking is amazing.”
“You’re so rich, just take us all in!”
Lan He was getting a headache. Take them all in? As if! Jinjiang wouldn’t allow harems anymore. He said, “Just kidding. I don’t want your armpit hair. I’m not opening a farm. Stop bothering me, or First Lady Hu will find out, and then you’ll be in trouble.”
At the mention of First Lady Hu, the foxes hesitated for a moment, but quickly retorted:
“A sharp sword is honed through grinding; plum blossoms emit fragrance after the cold!”
“Where there’s a will, there’s a way!”
“An army may be deprived of its general, but the will of a common man cannot be taken!”
Lan He: “…”
If someone didn’t know better, they’d think you were inspiring each other for something noble. All this effort just to steal from someone else?
Still, they were more cultured than Hu 79.
And bolder. Plenty of people knew Lan He was a living Impermanence, and that the incense he produced was exceptionally delicious. Other immortals might have been tempted, but out of fear of First Lady Hu, none dared to approach him recklessly. The Hu Clan, though—they dared to think and act!
“Seriously, I don’t need more. It’s enough.” Lan He couldn’t raise his voice, worried someone might overhear. Turning, he scooped up Miao Miao, who was still sobbing on the unconscious Chen Xingyang.
Seeing this, the foxes with childcare skills eagerly volunteered: “I’ll help you with the child!”
“If you leave quickly, he’ll stop crying,” Lan He placated them. “I’ll keep these nails for now, and you go back and wait for updates.”
Otherwise, he feared there’d always be a fox following him during filming, scaring more than just Chen Xingyang.
These Hu Clan members had read some books, but they couldn’t discern Lan He’s dismissive tone. They genuinely thought they had a shot at the next “interview.” “Leaving is fine, but you have to note down who’s who, so you know whom to notify later.”
Lan He: “…Fine.”
He grabbed a blank sheet of paper, placed the nails on it, and noted a number beside each fox’s name.
“Done. All registered. You can leave now, right?”
Satisfied, the foxes disappeared into the night fog.
After they left, Lan He swept the batch of nails into a plastic bag, secured it, and then went to press Chen Xingyang’s philtrum.
Chen Xingyang woke groggily, his mind blank. After a brief stare-off with Lan He, he exclaimed in terror, “Nails… laughter… ghost lights!”
Lan He lightly slapped his face. “What laughter? The ghost lights are gone.”
“The nails! The window suddenly opened!” Chen Xingyang scrambled to look, but there were no nails on the ground, and the window was closed tight. “You… did you close the window? Did you see it suddenly open? Where’s Miao Miao?!”
“Right here, perfectly fine. You started rambling nonsense, then fainted. The window never opened.” Lan He gestured to Miao Miao, who had stopped crying after the foxes left and was now smiling. “Miao Miao got scared by you.”
Miao Miao: “Ah, Uncle…”
Chen Xingyang: “…”
Really?
Miao Miao, too young to say much, could only watch wide-eyed as Lan He deceived his uncle.
Lan He said, “What did you eat tonight? Food poisoning hallucinations? Do you want to see a doctor?”
His expression was so sincere it was as if the nails, laughter, and open window had never existed—at least, not to him.
“No way…” Chen Xingyang rubbed his head and sat up. “You really didn’t see anything? Forget it. Even if you did, you wouldn’t admit it. Damn, my luck is awful…”
“Don’t curse in front of Miao Miao.” Lan He covered Miao Miao’s ears and said nonchalantly, “I think you just scared yourself with the ghost lights and hypnotized yourself. You even made Miao Miao cry.”
Chen Xingyang felt deep down that it was all real, but Lan He’s firm denial left him unable to argue. After all, just by what he had seen himself, he envied Lan He for having such a righteous and fearless constitution.
“Alright,” Chen Xingyang stood up and glanced outside. Indeed, the ghost fire was gone, though he still felt weak. To be honest, he didn’t dare leave now either.
Driving into the city in the dead of night? That would be suicide. Staying close to Lan He seemed like the safer option.
“Then… then how about this, when I take a shower later, I’ll leave the door open. You can stand at the door and keep me company,” Chen Xingyang said.
Lan He: “…Is that really necessary?”
Chen Xingyang pleaded, “Please, just agree. I’m really scared.”
“Alright,” Lan He relented, though it was mostly for show. In truth, he completely understood Chen Xingyang. Growing up, Lan He had his fair share of frights but could never speak about them.
People with timid natures weren’t suited to careers involving the netherworld. Take those celestial beings from the four great immortal families, for example. If not for encountering someone like Lan He, they would’ve faced dire consequences long ago. That’s why they only offered trial versions to him.
If it were anyone else, the immortals would often test them first—putting them through torment. This was a form of training for disciples, sometimes even a way to awaken their compassion.
—Family immortals were primarily concerned with protecting the household, but disciples of altar spirits, once they opened their halls, had to go out to deal with various matters. Naturally, they were subjected to many trials in advance. Beyond constant harassment from the spirits, they would be made to see ghosts on purpose. This cultivated resolve and courage. Not everyone gifted had the guts for it, unlike Lan He.
Some disciples, upon encountering vengeful ghosts or troubled patrons, would feel pity and want to help. But that was just the beginning. Once they started spreading the Dao, they would encounter more complex situations, and some might develop greed, making a good ending uncertain.
This explained why some people, after being tested by celestial beings, became disoriented or even insane for a while.
The same went for other jobs related to the netherworld. Those, like Lan He, who walked the path of impermanence, straddled the line between life and death, communicating with the underworld. The risks and temptations were many, and a happy ending was never guaranteed.
Lan He couldn’t help but reflect on his own experiences.
Meanwhile, Chen Xingyang got out of bed, wanting to take a hot shower. He noticed a piece of paper on the table filled with rows of numbers and asked curiously, “What’s this?”
Lan He snapped out of his thoughts. That was the registry he had made of the immortals earlier. He hadn’t written down names—only ranks, since they were all from the Fox Clan.
After they left, Lan He casually collected their claws, leaving the paper behind. Some immortals, before leaving, had even marked their names with bold red strokes.
“Oh… lipstick shades,” Lan He said nonchalantly. “Just helping someone keep track.”
“Are you endorsing lipsticks now? Or keeping track for your partner?” Chen Xingyang pointed at the red marks. “This even has highlights. What brand is it? I’ll jot it down.”
Recalling a random brand he’d seen, Lan He made one up.
Chen Xingyang looked it up and found it: “This shade is quite nice. I’ll buy one as a gift.”
Lan He glanced at the neon pink color. “It’s indeed pretty!”
The two laughed together, one feeling like they had copied homework and the other amused that their random guess turned out well.
Afterward, Chen Xingyang went to shower while Lan He sat by the door, holding Miaomiao to keep him company. During this time, Chen Xingyu came over to pick up Miaomiao and saw Lan He sitting at the door with the sound of water running inside.
“??” She was stunned. “What’s going on? Aren’t you in a relationship?”
Lan He: “…”
From inside, Chen Xingyang shouted, “It’s not that! I’m scared!”
Chen Xingyu: “……”
Because of this night, Chen Xingyu relentlessly teased her brother, and the label of “scaredy-cat” stuck with Chen Xingyang for a long time.
…
Wrapping up this scene, before transitioning again, Lan He rested for two days and stuffed the bag of claws into the TV cabinet.
Hu 79 crouched down to sniff it, her face changing immediately. “This is…”
Lan He: “Oh, a group of foxes came to see me, but I refused them. To get them to leave, I had to accept these.”
Hu 79 was furious. “Those little fox spirits!!” She stood up sharply and glared at Lan He. “You told them to leave, but weren’t you reluctant deep down? That’s why you brought back their claws as mementos.”
Lan He: “…”
Had this fox forgotten that she had done the same?
Hu 79: “Nothing happened, right?”
Lan He: “……”
Lan He: “What else? All my ingots and incense have been drained dry by you lot—there’s not a single piece left…”
The comings and goings of immortals were no trivial matter. Even Bai Wu pricked up his ears when the topic came up.
At this point, Bai Wu meekly reminded Hu 79, “It’s probably true. Have you forgotten that Master originally didn’t even want to keep us?”
“…” Hu 79 casually snatched his glasses away. “Shut up.”
Bai Wu fumbled around with his hands. “G-give them back…”
Suddenly, his hand touched something narrow at the top and wider at the bottom, connected to a long shaft. He quickly retracted his hand and apologized awkwardly, “Sorry, Master Liu.”
Liu 13: “??”
The unsuspecting Liu 13: “Damn it, I’m right here! What you touched was the lampshade!!”
Bai Wu: “…!”
A lamp? Oh, it did feel like one!
Lan He thought to himself: *Well, well, someone traumatized by snakes for years is now afraid of lamps too?*
Liu 13 cursed under his breath. These Bai disciples—each one more blind than the other. A floor lamp placed next to the sofa, just a little tall and round at the top.
Since the invention of glasses, even immortals could wear lenses. Two hundred years ago, these Bai immortals relied solely on their sense of smell to recognize people. Much like the heads of the Liu immortals, poor eyesight was a major weakness of theirs, apart from their reclusive nature.
Liu 13 swished his tail, grabbing the glasses from Hu 79 to return them to Bai Wu. But since Bai Wu’s glasses were mortal items, Liu 13 accidentally used too much force, shattering them.
“Crack.”
Bai Wu: “…”
Liu 13: “…”
Bai Wu: “…Was that the sound of my glasses breaking? Who did it?”
Liu 13 hesitated to admit it, fearing it might tarnish his mighty dragon reputation. Instead, he swallowed the broken glasses to destroy the evidence and said, “It was the fox.”
Hu 79: “??”
Tears streamed down Bai Wu’s face. Hu 79 used to just steal his glasses to tease him occasionally, but now she had crushed them outright. The Fox Clan was truly ruthless.
Life was too hard. Bai Wu curled up under the sofa.
“It wasn’t me!” Hu 79 reached under the sofa. “Come out! I’m telling you, it was Liu Five!”
Liu 13 looked completely unperturbed, even angrily retorting, “How dare you make false accusations!”
Hu 79 replied calmly, “Not very bright, but still knows how to lie. If it were really me, wouldn’t you have already beaten me to death instead of wasting time talking?”
Liu 13: “…”
Infuriated, Liu 13 flailed around, genuinely considering teaching Hu 79 a lesson.
Amid the commotion, Song Futan descended from upstairs. “It’s time. Turn on the TV; the show where Lan He makes a guest appearance is about to air.”
With this one sentence, Hu 79 and Liu 13 immediately ceased their squabble, sitting harmoniously on the same sofa to watch TV. Liu 13 even reminded Hu 79 to start a live stream on her phone. Hu 79 chuckled, “Do I need you to tell me?”
Lan He wondered if Song Futan was intentionally asserting control.
But then Song Futan walked over, wrapping an arm around Lan He as he earnestly watched the show. Feeling Lan He’s gaze, he turned his head and kissed him on the cheek. Whether he was referring to the Lan He on TV or the one beside him, he murmured, “So cute.”
Lan He: “…” Alright, maybe it wasn’t intentional.
When Lan He was preparing to return to the set, he was surprised to see First Lady Hu and Hu 79 holding hands in a rare display of sisterly affection. Lan He was taken aback since First Lady Hu usually mocked Hu 79 coldly, and even when they argued fiercely, it would often drag Bai Wu and Song Futan into the fray.
First Lady Hu said, “You’ve worked hard, little sister. Though we’re not of the same mother, we are still blood-related within five generations. Moreover, we now both reside in the Lan household. One altar, two Fox Clans—it’s only right we support each other to assist Young Master Song and serve Master.”
Song Futan: “…” Why was his name even mentioned here?
Hu 79 nestled into First Lady Hu’s embrace. Being slightly shorter, she replied, “You’re absolutely right, elder sister. You spend more time in Miaogan Mountain; I’ll definitely heed your teachings and learn from you.”
The two sisters had a heartfelt conversation. First Lady Hu even promised Hu 79 that she could use her name when venturing out.
Then Hu 79 slipped into Lan He’s luggage.
Lan He finally understood and laughed. “So that’s why you two got so close—planning to fight off external threats together?”
With interlopers at hand, First Lady Hu, knowing how cunning her kin could be, naturally teamed up with Hu 79. It ensured Hu 79, who spent more time with Lan He, stayed close to fend off other opportunistic immortals.
Hu 79 giggled. “Not at all, just here to take care of you.”
Liu 13 snorted disdainfully from the side, as if mocking the Fox Clan’s petty tactics. As a wild family immortal and true dragon, Master 13 was confident that no matter how many household immortals came, he would always have the highest combat prowess.
Hu 79 chuckled. “What I’m doing—isn’t it all for your own good?”
Liu 13: “???”
What did she mean by that?
Lan He didn’t object because, under the current circumstances, having Hu 79 around was indeed convenient. Any ghosts or spirits that came by would be intercepted by her first.
…
With Hu 79 sticking close to the crew for protection, the two-and-a-half-month-long filming wrapped up without any of the lipstick-shade-like fox immortals finding a chance to exploit the situation.
By then, it was almost time for the Miao New Year. Lan He called his parents via video to tell them he had a boyfriend. He started off vaguely, but his parents, both teachers with sharp logic, figured it out quickly.
“You mean to say you…” Father Lan was so shocked it was as if the video froze. He had been thinking about urging Lan He to find a partner, but before Lan He even finished saying he wanted to visit, he dropped this bombshell.
Teacher Long reacted slightly faster. “Is it that Xiao Song?!”
The only people she knew in Lan He’s circle were Song Futan and Chen Xingyang, whom she had met last time. Comparing the two, she thought Song Futan seemed more likely.
Lan He nodded. “Yes, and he also… that.”
He gestured vaguely without saying it outright, but his parents understood. Song Futan could also see ghosts.
Father Lan didn’t know who Xiao Song was. Normally a gentle man, he couldn’t find the words to express himself, only managing to stammer, “You never said anything about this… Is it because we haven’t cared enough about you? This isn’t something trivial. Have you thought it through? Could it just be camaraderie between kindred spirits?”
Considering his son’s unusual experiences, Father Lan felt Lan He might be seeking security in someone who shared the same abilities and circumstances.
“That’s why I want to bring him home to talk with you face-to-face. We’re serious about this,” Lan He said.
Parents’ concerns are universal. Though Lan He’s past wasn’t as tragic as Song Futan’s, his parents were very concerned. Being educators, they preferred resolving matters calmly rather than making a scene. Once they regained composure, they solemnly inquired about Song Futan’s background and agreed to a meeting.
With the conversation moving in a promising direction, Lan He felt much more at ease. “Where’s Grandma? Let me greet her.”
“She’s taking a nap. Let us know your flight details, and I’ll prepare something special for your return,” Teacher Long said, shifting the conversation to Lan He’s visit. Regardless of the eventual outcome, her son’s busy schedule meant a visit home was precious. “Also, are you bringing your hedgehog? I’ll clean it for you.”
Lan He laughed. “Haha, no need.”
Poor Bai Wu likely wouldn’t dare come along.
Father Lan, however, was visibly unsettled. Unfamiliar with the topic, he hadn’t managed to say much earlier. Now, he even considered looking up research papers on same-sex relationships.
Sensing his father’s unease, Lan He exchanged a few more words before ending the call.
Miao New Year is celebrated on different dates in various regions, but it always follows the harvest. In Lan He’s hometown, it typically fell in the lunar calendar’s tenth month, around November, and lasted for half a month.
Lan He decided not to bring any household immortals home and simply instructed them to behave while he was away.
Liu 13 wistfully asked, “I really can’t go?”
Lan He: “No.”
Liu 13 let out a long, hiss-like sigh, sounding like a deflating tire.
…
Lan He and Song Futan boarded a flight from Beijing to Xiang Province. Having stayed up late the previous night, Lan He donned an eye mask as soon as they settled in.
Just as he was about to drift off, he sensed several people taking seats in the row ahead. One voice stood out as particularly familiar.
“Master, here, take the window seat.”
“Alright. Oh, my disciples have done well, being able to afford business class…”
“You’re heading home for the holidays; it’s the least we can do!”
Hmm? Wasn’t that old neighbor Ying Shao?
Lan He hadn’t seen Ying Shao in a while. As a gu master, Ying Shao, though originally from the northeast, had a master who was a native gu master from Xiang Province.
Lan He had never met Ying Shao’s master before. He was about to lift his eye mask to greet them when he heard one of Ying Shao’s junior disciples complain, “Master, I really don’t want to go. Every time we meet, Uncle Master always belittles and looks down on me.”
Ying Shao consoled affectionately, “Forget it, junior brother. We’re already here. It’s New Year’s, after all. He’s family.”
Junior Brother: “…”
Junior Brother: “Waaah! Senior Brother, you’re being just like Lan He!”
Lan He: “??”
Wait, since when could my name be used like that?
Author’s note:
Bai Wu, without his glasses, stumbles into a lamp factory: “Ah, a snake den!”