Little Chu Zao had wanted to say it for a while.
Even if his dad tricked him into eating sour fruit, even if he confiscated his candy and snacks.
Dad was not bad at all.
On the bed, one blanket was spread out soft and wideโwhere the cub had just slept. There was also a blanket belonging to Amos, still neatly folded. The little cub stood upon it, gaining a bit of height, but still looking tiny, his wings unfolded, looking at Amos with utmost seriousness.
He told Amos very seriouslyโ
Youโre the best Baba in Zao Zaoโs eyes.
All the other Crown Clan looked over.
Watching this little one.
โSo, soโโโ
He said in his soft babyish voice.
โBaba has to know this.โ
He didnโt want Amos to have even a trace of doubt because of this.
โThatโs all.โ
It was too quiet around. When the cub finished speaking, his big eyes glanced around and, not getting any reaction, he hesitated, scrunching his toes on the blanketโhmm? Did Zao Zao do something wrong just now?
Or maybe it wasnโt right to stand on the blanket?
Chu Zao remembered Grandpa Mori had told himโthe Crown Clan were the most elegantly aristocratic race heโd ever met.
But now, he didnโt feel all that elegant?
The cub hesitated, bent his little body, crawled down from the blanket, and sat back among the soft bedding. His little wings trembled twice, like a delicate little toy doll.
Anyway, that was all.
He had finished speaking.
There had never been a cub like this in Crown Clan history.
So it was hard to describe what all the Crown Clan, including Amos, were feeling at that moment.
A sensitive, pitiful, strong little cub, who clearly lacked a sense of security himself, yet would bare everything wholeheartedly to you, trying to give you a sense of security.
So understandingโฆ it was heart-aching.
In the end, Amos picked the cub up into his arms.
It was truly amazing.
Such a little one.
If you gave him your love, he would try to give you so, so much love in return.
Chu Zao was held down to eat.
Due to the need for nutrition and all sorts of elements, his main food was still cub milk, supplemented by meat and vegetables, and all kinds of after-meal fruit.
Hel stood up and waved to Amosโ
โYour Majesty Amos, Iโm going outside for a walk.โ
Amos nodded.
Hel opened the door, looking out at the much-changed neutral planet since his last visit. From behind came the voices of Anya and Feiman.
โBrother Amos, if you want to laugh, just laugh.โ
โFavorite dadโฆ Eh, I donโt care that much either, honestly, even if it were me. Wanna try giving it to me, Brother Amos?โ
Anyaโs personality was awkward and brashโnothing nice ever came out of his mouth.
Feiman was odd, too. Only caring about what she was interested in, and ignoring the rest.
Clearly, Amos, with his darling little cub, was now the object of envy, and Chu Zao the one who mattered most to the whole Crown Clan.
After their place of habitation was wiped out and theyโd been dragged down by fate, the Crown Clan now had room to breathe, new vitality.
Hel tried to fit in.
But he could notโno matter how much anger made him lose reason, or how much his own powerlessness made him cry, he still felt a distance from the current Crown Clan.
Losing his wings, losing his loverโhe was like a bag with a hole; no matter how much power you put in, it would leak out.
He just wanted to do his best to teach Chu Zao everything a Dwight must learn.
If only none of it had happened.
Hel thoughtโthough they had founded Holy Cas, if none of these tragedies had happened, their home world would not have been destroyed by pollution, all the Crown Clan wouldnโt have been devastated, they would have lived well on their home planet, with loved ones, friends, peace, and harmony, then use their spirit power to have a cub of their ownโฆ
If all this suffering had been just a dreamโthat would be so good.
An intense pain came from the spot where his wings had been.
Hel expressionlessly fished out painkillers with familiar hands and swallowed them.
Without the little cub nearby, he didnโt care about the taste.
He walked to where he and his lover Morlo had gone before.
Crown Clanโs quarters.
Chu Zao was glugging down his milk bottle, leaning against Amos. His hair had been combed, wings spread, as Amos carefully smoothed his feathers.
Once full, Chu Zao, holding Ghost Bear, hesitated for a while after removing his halo, then put it back on.
Feiman, the last one present who hadnโt known about that trick, looked unsettledโshe and Anya had just been scolded by Amos, and at this, her body shook.
Anya was used to it, though.
Especially since it was Chu Zao who had often pulled Hel out of his dark moods, always coming over with his little halo off to talk to Hel.
This ability should work on all Crown Clan nearby, but he seemed to use it only with Hel.
But over these daysโit was actually very useful.
Helโs overall state looked much improved.
He even seemed more energetic.
So Anya asked, โWhatโs up? Not going to talk to Teacher Hel?โ
Chu Zao happened to be picked up by Amos just then; he shook his head gently.
โTeacher Hel probablyโฆ wants to take a walk with someone from the past at times like thisโฆ? Zao Zao shouldnโt disturb him.โ
The sensitive little cub noticed Helโs emotions as he left.
He hugged Amosโ neck.
โโฆMmm.โ
Amos replied.
โTomorrow Papa has a meeting, and Uncle too. What does Zao Zao want to do?โ
The little one spoke sweetly, โZao Zao will wait here for Baba.โ
โDonโt want to go out and explore?โ
Feiman cut in.
She looked at Amos, perhaps without realizing it.
It had been a long timeโChu Zao rarely left Amosโ side.
Hel had discussed this with them before.
Amos seemed calm but was actually still in high alert, keeping too close an eye on Chu Zao, maybe a bit overprotective.
Of course, the Crown Clanโs instinct to protect cubs was hard to shakeโespecially after the cub had faced danger, that emotion would explode, making them want to destroy all threats around.
But usually, young Crown Clan would resist, struggle, challenge the older generation as a signal of growing up, becoming independent.
Chu Zao was different, a child Amos had gained unexpectedly, which roused his protective parenting instincts.
He was sensitive to adultsโ emotions, and always accommodated them in his own way.
It seemed like Amos was always protecting Chu Zao, but actually he was being cared for by the little cub, too.
Amos heard Feimanโs words.
He just looked at the cub for a long time, then stroked his soft, fluffy black curls.
โZao Zao, want to go out and look around? Tomorrow Papa and Uncle have work, so letโs not disturb Teacher Helโhow about you go with Auntie and Uncle?โ
The little cub, always so good, now widened his eyes in surprise.
His soft baby voice was full of delight.
โCan I?โ
โOf course.โ
Amos considered a moment.
โThe multi-nation conference isnโt just for politics, but also business, agriculture, energyโlots of things we donโt have on Holy Cas.โ
The little one was clearly curious about all this, so even going out with Anya and Feiman was fine.
โBut you have to put away your wings and crown.โ
Chu Zaoโs eyes sparkled. Hugging Amosโ neck: โOkay!โ
*
Night fell quickly.
Chu Zao, full of anticipation for the next day, went to bed a bit late, restlessly, his halo flickering at intervals.
Hugging Ghost Bear, his little body curled closer to Amos for warmth.
Amos effortlessly adjusted their positions.
โAfter what happened, Chu Zao usually slept with Amos.
Amos closed his eyes.
Before sinking into deep sleep, he saw more of Chu Zaoโs memories.
โBy now they had pieced together a lot themselves.
It was that forest and grassland.
The Angel Realm.
The Angel Clan lived in splendid buildings as the masters of that place, with the most resources and stability.
But that didnโt include the little cub.
Back then, Chu Zao was dazed and bewildered.
He always lived in his own little nest, having nothing, tiny and keeping his head down as he walked, always sticking to the wall.
At that moment, Chu Zao held a little leaf pouch, filled with plants heโd gathered.
On the angel streets, such things could be exchanged for supplies.
Critical, because he had no family and had to provide for himself.
But he was too little then.
The public lessons for Angel cubs had ended, and he wasnโt allowed in the new ones, nor had he found a teacher.
He didnโt recognize many plants, and those he knew looked very similar, plus there were problems with how he picked them.
No matter how smart, most of what he brought was rejected.
โThese are all.โ
The shopkeeper behind the counter brought out a paper bag, with some loose nuts and the biscuits angels ate daily.
The shopkeeper seemed not to like Chu Zao either; his attitude was perfunctory, as if watching for the moment this kid would get upset and turn into a white little monster.
โAnd the ones we canโt take, you have to handle yourself.โ
The tiny cub put the paper bag away, nodded, and timidly replied, โOkay, thank you.โ
He hugged the unwanted herbs, his wings drooping, and walked out.
After he left, Chu Zao blinked, looking at what he was holding.
โNoโฆ today I should be happy, today I get nut biscuits.โ
To other angels, this food was boring, but to Chu Zao, used to eating wild fruit, it was precious.
But with his unwanted herbs, before heโd walked far on the street, a group of angel cubs just out of class flew past and glanced at him.
โWhatโs that?โ
โWeeds that look like useful plants.โ
โWas he trying to scam them, mix in the weeds to cheat?โ
โEh? Thatโs awful.โ
โOr maybe he just couldnโt tell, maybe heโs just dumb?โ
Chu Zao stopped, then spun round.
โNo! Zao Zaoโs not bad, and not dumb!โ
The little angels, startled, quickly called to their friends.
โCome on, letโs goโโโ
โDad said if he gets upset, he becomes a white little monster, and might affect us.โ
โSo why leave him in the Angel Realm? Wouldnโt it be better to send him away?โ
โThe Archangel saidโwell, it was about keeping unstable factors under watch. Isnโt he doing fine here anyway? Grown-upsโ business, letโs just go.โ
The little angels quickly flitted away.
Their voices faded.
Chu Zao was just about to throw away what he held, but hesitated.
He was too young, too weak, with no family, no friendsโjust like the weeds in his arms.
Here, he was an island.
The cub stood there a while, then carried the weeds home.
He disposed of them.
The cub curled in his little nest, munching nut biscuits, cheeks bulging.
Finally, his wings and eyelids drooped in hurt.
โZao Zaoโฆ not dumb, not bad eitherโฆโ
Zao Zao justโbut just hadnโt learned enough.
No one ever taught him what to do.
Not a soul.
Zao Zaoโs not bad…
Theyโre the ones who are bad.
Chu Zao knew too well how it felt to be called bad.
He never wanted those he cared about to feel that way, so he would tell Amos sincerely, โYouโre the best dad in my heart.โ
And the cub, wings drooping, nibbling biscuits in his little corner, started to cry, in little hiccups.
โWuuโฆ wuwuuโฆ Everyoneโฆ Everyone bullies Zao Zaoโฆ wuuuโฆโ
As the little cub whimpered, Amos snapped awake.
He opened his scarlet eyes.
He looked at the cub in his arms.
The little one was dreamingโrestless, halo flickering, suddenly glowing bright, and his eyes shot open. In the pitch-black room, his breath was heavy, he sniffled, huddled even closer, trying to sleep again.
โClickโโโ
The bedside lamp was gently switched on.
Chu Zao froze.
โBaba?โ
Amos leaned over and gently brushed away the tears at the corner of the cubโs eyes.
The cub instinctively nuzzled at his hand, still groggy with sleep.
โZao Zao didnโt live well before meeting Papa, did you?โ
Amos asked softly.
Before, the Crown Clan had always agreedโnot to let the kid recall the past, to collect the wrongs done to him, find the culprits, and settle accounts themselves.
That wasnโt for the wronged cub to worry about.
But he would still have nightmares, and just from a passing word, recall past sorrow.
But that wasnโt the real issueโthe real thing was how naturally and obediently he suppressed his sadness, quieting himself to sleep.
โAngel Clan.โ
Amos said, as the cub stared blankly.
โThey shouldnโt exist anywhere in the galaxy.โ
Chu Zao looked at Amos.
โBabaโฆ whyโฆ whyโฆโ
The cubโs breaths grew heavy, his voice trembling, tears ready to fall just at the mention.
โHow did you know?โ
โPapa told you, didnโt he? If youโre sad, tell Papa, and Papa will coax you.โ
Amos looked at him.
โThough Papa isnโt good at coaxing.โ
โPapa will settle itโโ
Amos said softly, big hand stroking Chu Zaoโs back.
Heโd never wavered.
The Crown Clan didnโt play fair in matters like these.
He was just considering how best to pay them back in kindโbut until now, heโd been able to hold back, even if Chu Zao was an obvious Crown Clan child by birth, ending up in another raceโs territory. For those emotionally cold races, wariness and surveillance felt routine.
But there was no excuse for making a tiny cub suffer hope and despair over and over, posturing righteously as though what theyโd done was correct, hanging that banner high.
Chu Zao was under five at the time.
โButโฆ butโZao Zao heard them say suffering is something youโre supposed to endureโฆ Enduring it brings good in the endโฆ Zao Zao didnโt believe it, but then Zao Zao met Baba.โ
As the little one spoke, the tears finally fell, sniffling as he wiped his eyes.
โSuffering is not something youโre supposed to endure.โ
Amos gathered him into his arms.
The aggrieved little one was even smaller now, a baby who needed his parentโs arms; sprawled against Amosโs chest, wings drooping like a wronged little white bird, fingers tangled in Amosโ shirt, head on his fatherโs heartbeat, hearing its strong, steady thump.
โSuffering is just suffering. It scars the soul and canโt be mended. Zao Zao should believe in yourself, because you could always stand up againโlike all the Crown Clan before you, who never gave in.โ
Amos held the cub curled up in his arms.
โItโs okay, Zao Zaoโyou heard the voices of all those Holy Cas civilian ships, youโre one of the Crown Clan, even stronger than you think. Itโs not suffering thatโs strongโitโs Zao Zao who is.โ
The cub, eyes full of tears, looked up: โIs Zao Zao strong?โ
โYes. But until youโre truly grown upโPapa is still here, you canโฆ rely a bit more on Papa. Or rather, Papa wants you to lean on him more.โ
Especially at times like this.
They were piecing together the cubโs story. Crown Clan so rarely made โvengeanceโ their central themeโthey just wanted the cub a bit more at ease.
Amos soothed the wronged cub to sleep.
Amosโ heart was breaking.
*
Early the next morning.
The cub woke and was tidied up by Amos.
The nightmare from last night seemed to have changed nothing.
But maybe it had changed somethingโthe little one seemed steadier.
Before, when he worried his origins were unclear to the other Crown Clan, he never said much, and a hint of anxiety would linger.
Nowโ
Chu Zao had tucked away his wings and halo, put on scarf, gloves and hat.
The neutral planet was cold, in autumn-winter. The cub lifted his mittens, squishing his black curls under the fluffy cap, and breathing out a puff of white air. He watched it fade, little legs swinging, full of expectation.
Baba knows everything now.
But Baba said Zao Zao is strong.
And Baba likes Zao Zao!
He sat by the door, waiting for Anya and Feiman.
Anya and Feiman were getting a stern talking-to from Amos.
After last nightโ
Amos almost changed his mind, wanting to keep the little cub inside his own psychic shield.
But seeing how eagerly the little one waited, Amos finally, with a pained expression, gave the same instructions to the equally excited pair.
Feeney was still missing, with no news.
Reports from informants said Boel Alliance revolutionary leader Lin Yuan seemed to have mysterious ties with the Hymn Organization.
The key: his obsession with wiping out the Spirit Eye Race at all costsโwhich was typical of gutter rats like Hymn.
But Holy Cas was fully prepared.
The Ninth Armyโs ships would wait nearby in unconfined space, reserves would sweep the star domain of beast armies, and could be on hand at any time.
Amos knew thereโd be trouble at the conference.
He was also rather arrogant by nature.
His casualness in handling previous dangers for the cub showed heโd grown used to crisisโa hallmark of this generation of Crown Clan.
If not for Chu Zao, Amos would still have come alone.
But now, he couldnโt be sure things wouldnโt go beyond expectations.
So, all the Crown royals except Feeney were present.
Chu Zaoโs safety was more than assured.
Feiman nodded eagerly, peering outside: โAlright, alright, Second Brother, we know. You and Big Brother go have your conference.โ
โYeah, at least weโre not as unreliable as Third Brother, right?โ
Anya chimed in.
Hel, about to leave too, nodded at that.
Feeneyโs weapon was somewhat like Chu Zaoโs, but he himself was just too unreliable.
Hel hadnโt imagined Feeney would still have disappeared at this point.
His Majesty Amosโs hesitation wasnโt misplaced.
Amos finally nodded.
Allowing them to take Chu Zao out.
The little cub, all bundled up, jumped off the chair, trailing after Auntie and Uncle like a little tail, wobbling off in thick clothes.
They had barely left the door whenโ
Chu Zao, from a distance, saw the Holy Cas civil rest area, where they were handing out stickers and pins of the Holy Cas Empire flag.
Many people had the stickers on their faces and the pins on their caps.
Chu Zaoโs eyes immediately went wide.
Feiman and Anya glanced over.
โWant one of those?โ
Feiman looked down at the cub.
So tiny, with sparkling eyes, looking up as he nodded: โAuntie, I want one.โ
He called me auntie!!!
Feiman kept a calm face, but strode quickly that way.
โZao Zao, wait here for Auntie.โ
Leaving the cub and Anya behind.
The two looked at each other. It was tiring to look up that high, so the cub glanced around, chose a step, and sat down.
โUncle?โ
โAhemโฆโ
Anya finally coughed.
โWell, about thatโฆโ
His eyes darted around.
โAbout what I said before, it was my fault. I apologize.โ
The cub shook his head.
Anya: โฆ
โYou wonโt accept it? Then Iโllโฆ wait for another timeโฆโ
โApologies are for forgiveness,โ Chu Zao smiled at him, โZao Zao forgave Uncle a long time ago.โ
Anya froze.
At that moment Feiman returned, Holy Cas merchandise in hand, just about to speak when she saw Amos right behind them.
Amos glanced at them, his brows slowly furrowing.
Anya, Feiman: โฆ?
Thatโs oddโฆ why do they feel a chill down their spines?
The next second, the cub sitting on the cold steps was picked up. The careless aunt and uncle each got a smack.
How to rile Amos enough to hit you?
Answer: Donโt notice Zao Zaoโs sitting on freezing steps.
Anya, rubbing his head: โGot it, got itโฆโ
Not really their fault.
Chu Zao had almost never been out; every time, Amos carried him.
What Crown Clan ever cared about cold steps? They just sat anywhere.
Theyโd never even thought about it before, okay?
Feiman, holding the merch, naturally toppled over.
Anya: ?
What?
The little cub peeked out, just in time to see Feiman raise a handโvoice calm as ever, but saying: โZao Zao, save me, help me.โ
Auntie canโt do it.
Only Zao Zao can.
So pitiful.
The little cub always fell for it. He had Amos set him down, reached out, and pulled Feiman up: โItโs not Auntieโs fault, Auntie didnโt see Zao Zao, Zao Zao chose to sit there himself.โ
Feiman turned her head, giving Anya a look.
Anya: โฆ?
She looked quite pleased with herself.
