Idol Chapter 141 Part 2

-2-

The rehabilitation training was not going smoothly.

Normal eating and running were no problem, and although it had been a long time since he danced, a few more hours of practice would gradually get him back into the groove.

The difficult part was the PTSD and the consequences of a series of problems.

Huo Ren would frequently have nightmares, with frequent conditions of panic and angina.

Chi Ji had experienced similar conditions before, but more of a resistance to seeing outsiders and an unwillingness to go out, with overly long sleep durations.

Back then, Mei Shengyao would always squeeze over with a blanket to accompany him, soothing him gently with warmth, the same way Chi Ji had soothed him when they were younger.

Jiang Shu had been reducing his work at Crown since the beginning of last year, taking full rest to complement the doctor’s treatment.

If it weren’t for that final leap, perhaps Chi Ji would not have suffered so much from depression.

But the feeling of falling from a high place was too painful.

Now, Huo Ren had lost all his work, with specialists handling all related assets.

His reason could control him to train on schedule and eat quantitatively, but his emotions wouldn’t allow him to fall asleep.

After finally being able to open up, the psychologist had visited many times.

Normally, patients with major trauma would resist the presence of other listeners.

The first time Pei Ruye took Huo Ren to the therapy room, he only had time to leave for three minutes.

He hadn’t sat in the next office for long before the doctor hurried over, requesting Pei Ruye to accompany him in therapy.

“Your friend feels very insecure.”

“Although he didn’t vocalize a request, the moment you walked away, his pain reappeared. According to my observation, it’s very similar to when he wouldn’t speak up before.”

Pei Ruye took a deep breath and quickly walked back.

He had become the last link between Ren Ren and the world.

Parents, friends, profession, identity, everything that could prove Huo Ren’s significance was crumbling away.

The torment he faced was no less than that of Chi Ji from the start.

When the door opened again, Huo Ren was already clutching a pillow, sweating from pain with a pale face. Almost instinctively, he curled into Pei Ruye’s embrace, gasping heavily as if he had just been saved from drowning.

The comforting scent of the ocean filled his lungs, quietly driving away and dissipating the pain, receding until it was gone.

Huo Ren himself realized how peculiar this was, and when he popped his head out from the man’s embrace, he looked bewildered, accidentally making eye contact nose to nose with him.

Pei Ruye couldn’t help but laugh: “We need to get back to business; the doctor is waiting.”

The female doctor acted as if she saw nothing: “Please choose a position that makes you comfortable; don’t mind my opinion.”

Huo Ren licked his chapped lips, wanting to explain this somewhat embarrassing avoidance behavior.

Pei Ruye handed him a glass of mint water, maintaining a touch on his shoulder as he stood up.

“Drink slowly. No rush.”

Huo Ren began to slowly heal himself.

One of the more popular methods for treating PTSD abroad is DBT therapy.

Commitment, establishing connections, reducing traumatic experiences, multiple exposures for desensitization…

Time quickly passed from early autumn to early spring.

The winters in Los Angeles are warm, with people in thin jeans and open trench coats walking the streets.

Spring came in a blink of an eye, with flowers blooming early.

The servants intentionally decorated the house to be bright and cheerful, rolling up all the curtains high, and arranging the ivy and flowers beautifully.

Huo Ren never touched anything related to Shi country.

He was aware of his condition and knew he should not be stimulated more by this matter.

February 17th was Chi Ji’s death anniversary.

Before ending the therapy, the doctor gently encouraged his progress, softly saying, “For many pains and regrets, we actually don’t need to resist and avoid them completely.”

“Acceptance is a good start.”

Huo Ren, still wrapped in a blanket in early spring, repeated the word.

“Acceptance.”

“Yes,” the doctor leaned in towards him, kindly saying, “Many people hope that negative things, such as pain, hatred, depressive emotions, etc., will leave forever or be completely eradicated.”

“But if you accept their objective existence, things will get much better.”

Huo Ren looked at her for a long time, suddenly as if something clicked in that moment.

“Acceptance.”

“This is a very reasonable choice.”

After the doctor left, he got up, put down the blanket neatly, and glanced sideways at the sparkling sunlight over the azure sea outside the window.

“Teacher, take me to the Red House to have a look.”

This was the first time he took the initiative to want to go out for a walk.

Pei Ruye drove him to the old place.

Millennium Danplex, the launching point for top dancers worldwide.

It hosted world-class choreographers and had deep collaborations with countless pop stars and divas.

It was also the old classroom where Chi Ji and Mei Shengyao had spent several years.

They were visitors, wandering around the bustling venues without feeling much integration.

Pei Ruye, in recent years, had been focusing on polishing a leading company in new media, rarely visiting here once a year, with only a few old members still able to recognize him at a glance.

Huo Ren walked around the place where Chi Ji had stayed, and after a while, said, “I’m tired, let’s go.”

They got back into the car.

“Where else do you want to go?”

Huo Ren thought for a moment, then looked at him, “Teacher, do you know any tattoo shops?”

Pei Ruye nodded in agreement.

The tattoo shop owner was a burly African American, snacking on ketchup as he snipped at succulents, giving a casual “YO” upon seeing the customers.

Huo Ren sat down, looking like a middle school student who had skipped school.

“I want to get a tattoo on the palm of my hand.”

The African American brother almost clipped half of the succulent’s head off in surprise.

“It’s gonna hurt, bro, you sure about this?”

“Although tattoos can now be removed,” he made an exaggerated gesture, not quite approving of the request, “but the feeling of getting a tattoo removed, oh my, you better not.”

Huo Ren glanced at Pei Ruye, seemingly asking for his opinion.

Pei Ruye was not opposed.

“It’s a good way to commemorate.” He rolled up his sleeve to show Huo Ren the abstract line drawing of a bamboo on his right arm.

“After my mother passed away from illness, it took me over a year to get over it.”

Huo Ren had never seen this tattoo before and asked instinctively, “Is it recent?”

He was too nervous during their hot spring trip to take a closer look.

The man laughed and shook his head, “No, when I was nineteen.”

Huo Ren instinctively touched the smooth skin of his right arm.

For a moment, he really wanted to know all the stories about Pei Ruye.

The bamboo was beautiful and warm to the touch, inexplicably nostalgic.

“Make a choice, and then have no regrets.”

Pei Ruye rolled his sleeve back down, not giving any judgmental emotions.

“Acceptance, nostalgia, inscription, seeking forgiveness.”

“First think about what you really want.”

Huo Ren pondered for a moment, asked for paper and pen, and drew a small boat for himself.

On the boat stood a cross, looking peaceful and serene.

He suddenly remembered Old Gong whom they met in the deep mountains during a variety show shooting, when they were escaping disheveled for several days and stumbled upon a hidden paradise.

The old man hosted them with warm tofu soup and shared many thoughts on life.

“People live a life, inevitably greedy.”

“Wanting to embrace everything, unwilling to miss a single thing.”

“…Possessing jade invites envy.”

“Sometimes I’m quite greedy.” He touched the palm of his left hand with his right finger to measure the distance.

“Even when Chi Chi was alive, I never stopped blaming myself.”

Huo Ren rarely exposed his inner vulnerabilities.

He was more often seen as resilient and capable in front of the whole team, unbeatable, decisive, and calm.

Even in front of Pei Ruye, he more often let go of fatigue and lethargy, hiding his weaknesses very well.

Thus, always appearing strong, as if made of steel without any gaps.

The African American brother went backstage to fetch the tools, leaving just the two of them in the front.

Pei Ruye took the pencil from his hand, casually making the lines a bit more beautiful.

“Always blaming yourself?”

“Yeah,” Huo Ren suddenly smiled, “You might not know, but I’m a pretty terrible leader.”

A performance not completed well, oversight in coordinating tasks.

Who had a cold, who was feeling down recently, who was being attacked too much by the media.

…always feeling like I haven’t done enough.

He needed to push harder, to give more, to take care of everyone and every detail meticulously.

From the moment he joined SPF, he never felt secure. Later, leading five others forward, he bore the weight of five responsibilities on his shoulders.

Cautious and overly self-critical.

It was the same every year.

“Many people think Xiao Chi is quite foolish,” the young man traced a cross on his palm with his fingertip, his tone filled with nostalgia and helplessness.

“I see him as smart, often more stubborn than he is.”

Striving for perfection in everything, unable to tolerate even the slightest fault.

Aiming to be the best, to become the strongest, to polish himself into a product of utmost perfection.

Once, Xie Lianyun sang the wrong lyrics on stage, and he would blame himself repeatedly, thinking that he had not trained his team members well enough.

But later, when he casually mentioned this incident during a meal, no one in the group remembered it; they just joked with each other and moved on.

—It wasn’t anyone’s fault, including his own.

Huo Ren could become such a person, reaching this height, precisely because he had to endure the backlash of his competitive nature.

Later, Chi Ji’s illness and episodes were just the last straw.

“Let’s tattoo a small boat.”

A year had passed.

He had left the crown, acquired a new place to live, and was still breathing and living in reality.

Relying on Noah’s ark, he had ultimately survived the whirlpool of fame and fortune.

And then he was ready to return.

For his dear friends, for all the dissatisfaction, to return once again.

“Teacher, Happy New Year.”