Since yesterday, I know I’ve been clinging to Rodo too much.
Ever since we came to Uriest, I haven’t left Rodo.
And I didn’t want him to leave.
…though when taking a bath, I don’t like being hurriedly undressed.
We often talk about “marriage” and “children”, so I think it’s strange that he didn’t look affected when I’m in such a state.
He wouldn’t touch me like that, but as expected, I still feel “embarrassed”.
The reason he wrapped a cloth around my body was probably that he didn’t want to show my nakedness to others.
This seemed common for people who are married to each other, and even in Japan, this is normal.
I’ve also decided to marry Rodo, so I don’t think anyone would try to reach out to me.
But Rodo kept telling me to be careful.
Even when I’m in this present form.
Is there anyone with that kind of hobby?
But in this world, no child looked like me.
Children would look like a beast, and when they grew up, they’d take a humanoid shape.
Am I too conscious of Rodo?
I never thought I was sexually seen when naked.
But I think it’s embarrassing for Rodo to see me like this.
Even more so when he forcibly took off my clothes like that.
I’m too conscious of myself.
As expected, I’m preparing to not be able to go home anymore.
However, my appearance hasn’t changed at all.
Will I still…grow?
There are no signs though.
The next day, Rodo picked me up and brought me around.
I sat on Rodo’s lap and was fed both for yesterday’s supper and today’s breakfast.
I hated it before, but now, I don’t think so much about it.
What if I get used to being spoiled like this?
Probably because I look young now, it felt different.
But think about it, an 18-year-old college student sitting on a man’s lap while being fed.
Rodo looked happy, but if you look at it objectively, my actions are disgusting.
I can’t be sweet like a real child…
Rodo is in a good mood all the time, probably because he’s been spoiling me since yesterday.
After eating, he picked me up again.
Even though he’ll spoil me with just a “sweet voice” and a “hold me up” gesture, I can’t suddenly tell him to put me down.
We’ll likely stay like this for a while.
I’ve done demon subjugation with Ruu and the others before.
At first, I was practicing at the Training Center of that tower, but I was told that my magic was too powerful and might destroy the barrier, so it was decided to train in actual battle.
At first glance, monsters looked just like a beast, but their magical power was so terrifying that it’s easy to see how to tell them apart.
How to tell it’s different from Sig, I’ll know immediately after seeing it.
Since monsters attack people, they are targeted for subjugation.
They’re not like wild animals that would escape upon seeing people.
On the contrary, monsters would attack and eat people.
A monster is a creature with magical power.
I heard that every person has magical power, so they attack in an attempt to rob it.
The reason why monsters don’t look at other animals is that animals have no magical power.
It’d often come all the way to the town and it seemed like there are victims every time.
One corps was set up in one town so that they can rush quickly and reduce the damage.
The towers are scattered for the same reason.
Soldiers and magicians need to help and complement each other.
However, the reason why I somehow feel a wall between soldiers and magicians was that they aren’t on good terms.
…I think I’ll be with Rodo more often than Ruu.
The magicians spoke so quickly that I can’t catch their words, and even if I asked them to repeat it, they’d often look unpleasant.
Ruu doesn’t do that, but the other magicians seem to hate me.
I know I’m hated, and I’m not the type to approach others, so now they won’t even talk to me.
I’m just having Ruu show me his magic but he often gives me sweets. Even so, I don’t feel like getting closer to him.
Therefore, the sweets I got from Ruu often end up in Ren’s mouth.
…recently, I haven’t learned much magic from Ruu. He even asked if I wanted to learn from the magician of the tower in the castle town.
For now, that person seems to have magic that only he can release.
By the way, there’s no dark magic in this world.
Did it go wild?
Like destroying things around you or releasing your magical power until you’re exhausted and fall into a coma.
Then some people wouldn’t wake up.
I haven’t heard any stories about that.
Is it because I look so young that they muck up the details?
──but I already said I’m not a child.
The monster subjugation was easy.
At first, I was attacking with a fire arrow, but it surprisingly hit a monster.
Rodo had a sword in his hand, but he wouldn’t let me down.
Seeing that he didn’t look anxious, I judged that he could fight this monster while holding me up.
So this is a great opportunity to practice my magic.
Even if I made a mistake, Rodo will make a follow-up.
When I imagined a bolt of lightning striking a monster, lightning fell from the sky.
After repeating this, the monsters disappeared.
“…nearby, monsters, none.”
Rodo looked a bit stunned.
Did he get hurt somewhere?
Or is it the lightning strike?
I should be more careful of my surroundings.
…seems like he wasn’t injured.
So why are you stunned?
…did you want to fight?
After having lunch, I decided to heal the injured.
Seems like there are many injured people.
Rodo came here because the number of people involved in the subjugation has decreased.
Ruk and the others are from the Sixth Corps.
When I first met him, I got the impression that he wasn’t feeling well because of his injured companions.
I can use heal, so when I asked Rodo if I could help, he said it would help a lot.
Apparently, there aren’t many healers, and magicians are rarely involved in healing, unlike healers.
It’s also said that no magician could use heal.
I’m the rare one.
I thought I was prepared to some extent.
Since it’s an injured person attacked by a monster, it’s natural to have torn arms and legs, their legs peeled off, or their bones visible.
Some have scratched faces and even have no eyes…
Some were in such a terrible state that the surface of their bodies was burned and their skins turned inside out.
The environment here is too harsh.
They’d soon get an infectious disease if this continues.
Or maybe the supplies are scarce, so the hygiene is poor.
The corners have dark objects and a man who looked like he’s lying down silently looked at us.
Nearby was the Third Corps healers.
They looked tired already.
Healing uses a lot of light magic, but it seems that few have that power.
Moreover, even if it can be used, it’s limited to healing several injuries a day.
That’s why they’re tired.
I wonder if there are really these few healers in a platoon.
The Third Corps hadn’t been injured much since I came.
Even if there’s a scratch, it’s not a big injury.
I haven’t followed Rodo on duty as a third party, so I don’t know the details, and he won’t tell me about that.
Everyone in the Third Corps should know that I’m not a kid, but they’re overprotective in such places.
Even when it’s dangerous or when he’s injured and in pain, they’d still say it’s okay.
You don’t have to care about me to that extent.
Perhaps I’m too spoiled by such overprotective people, so this is the first time I’ve met with a patient in pain.
The injury looked painful to me just by looking at it.
The many serious injuries, mixed with the odor of blood and the peculiar scent of disinfectant, filled the place with an indescribable smell.
──as if the odor of death permeated the room.
I also heard that some died.
Even among the people lying down right now, some are in danger of dying.
When I saw a person who has weak breathing and barely alive, I was so scared that my hands trembled.
Until now, I have never faced death.
I didn’t have a chance to see someone’s death in person.
It seems like many people in this world live long lives, but I noticed that once you’re seriously injured, you will die in every world.
I never thought about death, and I couldn’t imagine the moment when my life would disappear.
And yet, it’s about to happen in front of me.
This is…very scary.
Perhaps he wasn’t willing to talk anymore as my eyes met those muddy eyes through the bandaged gap, and the urge to cry struck me.
…in fact, I’m already crying and I knew that someone’s hands was wiping my cheeks and the corners of my eyes.
“Kou, painful, stop, fine.” (It’s okay to stop if it’s painful.)
Rodo’s worried face looked at me.
“Down.” (Put me down.)
I shook my head and said that. He put me down, though still worried.
I went closer to the bed.
My healing is different from that of a healer.
I can heal injuries.
But it doesn’t “repair” the injury like a healer, it just “forgot it ever existed”.
Leaving no traces and no pain.
But it’s not all-purpose.
I’m confident that no matter what kind of injury Rodo suffers, even with a missing limb, I can heal it cleanly.
But it’s difficult for the Sixth Corps people I’ve never seen before.
This is because it’s necessary to think of the person’s appearance.
I don’t know the appearance of a person who was injured all over his body.
What kind of face he had and what kind of body he had, that’s what I need.
But there are no pictures in this world.
So I’ve given up.
I can’t do anything.
I’m not studying as a healer.
And I haven’t even finished studying as a magician.
I’m just putting out what I imagined.
If I remember the words, can I do it?
It would be nice if I could at least remove the pain, but I can’t do that now.
His arm was in front of me and the scratches seemed to be shallower compared to other places.
When I took off the bandage, I saw a cut to the point where I could see the bones.
Overall, it might not make much sense to cure it.
But that’s all I can do for him right now.
I held my hand over the wound and imagined a beautiful arm.
His torn flesh quickly closed and it was hard to tell he was ever injured.
However, I can only restore what I can imagine in this way.
“Sorry. Kou, more, can’t do.” (Sorry, I can’t do more for you.)
If I want to do more than this, I have to study as a healer.
The other arm had the flesh scraped until it reached the bone.
However, since one arm has healed, it’s easy to imagine the other one.
Any mole, bruises, and other things that originally existed will disappear, but at least they’re healed.
However, I can’t heal the crushed legs, the crushed body, and face right now.
It’d be nice if there’s something that could show me his original appearance, but in a world where they didn’t have the habit of leaving portraits, his appearance would only stay in people’s memories.
I can’t cure him, so I’ll cure the healers instead.
Though not injured, their tiredness came from using too much magical power.
Accustomed to seeing the Third Corps healers, I just imagined their normal states.
But I just met the Sixth Corps healers today, so I imagined their faces without dark circles.
It doesn’t mean that getting rid of dark circles = heal tiredness, but it’s better than doing nothing.
I left the seriously injured to those people and decided to see the minorly injured.
Seeing the healers in such a state, they put off healing minor injuries.
I took charge of healing them, and although I said something, no one talked to me.
True, I also wanted to heal the seriously injured first.
But they didn’t say anything because I cried and have swollen eyes.
They might have thought it’s a terrible scene for children.
But that’s not why I cried.
Certainly, it was a tough scene for me, who’s not in this profession, to the point of vomiting.
But I’m crying for my helplessness which was unthinkable when I was in Japan.
If I thought it’s impossible, I decided not to look at it.
However, knowing that the healers are working hard to their limits, I don’t think I can help even if I can use a power similar to theirs.
And right now, I didn’t have the means to do so.
I should be able to heal them, but I can’t right now.
The life that will be saved if it’s cured now may not be saved.
At least, I could heal them with a photo, but there wasn’t one.
In the first place, I didn’t study as a healer and I’m just an apprentice magician right now.
I’m aware that I’m lacking in study.
But it’s only been about two months since I came to this world.
That’s why I think it can’t be helped, but when I see the life that could have been saved, I felt helpless.
If I could heal perfectly, they would be fine by now.
“Kou, force, no good.” (Don’t force yourself.)
As I continued to heal the minorly injured, Rodo stopped me.
When he hugged me, it felt incredible, so I cried again.
I think I’ve been crying a lot since I came to this world.
The reason for crying was different every time.
And I can’t control my emotions.
Did I become younger because my appearance became younger?
“Kou, don’t cry.”
In Rodo’s arms, I continued to shed unstoppable tears.
What was I looking for?
What did I want to do?
Even though they have a long life, their lives can disappear so easily…
I think I was just upset in my first time facing death, but maybe I was scared of the “life that might have been saved”.
The scary things increased by one.