I didn’t want to expose Kou, who was just wearing the clothes I wore, so I hurried back to our room and had him wear my clothes for the time being.
My clothes seemed to be big for Kou since I can’t see his hands from the sleeves and if you don’t tie the undergarment with a string, it will easily fall.
“Ryodo, clothes, bwig, ne-” (Rodo’s clothes are too big.)
When I saw Kou being happy just from not seeing his hands through the sleeves, I wanted to hug him as much as I could.
As expected, this appearance is problematic.
Even if the young Kou did the same thing, I’d only smile.
“…Ryodo, shoes, big. Walk, can’t. (Your shoes are too big. I can’t walk with that.)
My shoes seemed to be too big for Kou’s feet, so when he tried to walk, it’d come off.
He’s looking at the shoes that slipped off with a troubled face.
I lifted Kou.
He’s heavier now, but still not so heavy that I can’t lift him.
He’s too light for an adult.
“Like this, walk.”
Even when I’m his guardian, we moved like this until his shoes were made.
I hardly felt Kou’s weight.
…is it because he’s my mate?
“Ryodo, force, too much?” (Aren’t you too strong?)
“Very strong.” (I’m very strong.)
As an Akinist, I’m more powerful than most other races.
Kou looked at me with shining eyes and looking even cuter.
I have to suppress my instinct to forcibly attack him so that I won’t get hated.
Although we’re interrupted, Kou hasn’t eaten yet.
So we headed to the cafeteria again.
Seeing Kou’s growth, everyone was solidified.
Renneiga, who wasn’t there earlier, seemed to have lost his words.
“Ryen, Kou, bwig, become!” (Ren, I became big!)
Kou happily reported to Renneiga.
He said this was his original figure, and Kou himself wanted to return to it earlier.
“Kou!? Eh? Why?”
I’m also amazed at Kou’s sudden growth.
…it can’t be helped.
Even I haven’t fully accepted it yet.
“…Kou, thwink. Ryodo, always, together. Return, no, fine.” (I thought about it. I wanted to be with Rodo forever, so I’m fine with not returning.)
I was deeply moved.
He accepted that he didn’t have to go back to Niho…
He wanted to stay with me forever…
I’m glad that you chose me over your parents and friends.
“That’s a shame, right? You can’t get married right now.”
As Renneiga says, we can’t get married right now.
If we do, it’ll be after this support mission is over.
…though he told me that we could get married if he grew up, what does Kou really think?
In addition, he might have agreed to the marriage, but what about sexual activity…
This is the first time I’ve been kissed.
Moreover, it was on the cheek.
He used to say that he didn’t hate having children, but he didn’t say that he wanted to be embraced.
I definitely want to embrace Kou, but what if Kou thinks the same…
…but I can’t imagine myself being embraced.
I’ve never thought about it before.
However, it’s natural that one of us will be the bottom.
As I was thinking, Kou looked at me.
As expected, this way of speaking with that kind of face felt strange.
He might lisp right now, but after a while, he’ll be able to speak normally, if not fluently.
…the reason why I think it’s okay like this for a while might be because I kept thinking of his young appearance so that I can suppress my instincts.
Even if we get married, it wouldn’t be until a month later.
…can I endure it until then?
My desire for monopoly is getting stronger every day.
Does Kou have the same feelings?
“…Kou is really beautiful. But he’s kind of young.”
Seems like he didn’t understand what Renneiga muttered since Kou was tilting his head.
Whether it’s “beautiful” or “young”, I have no memory of teaching Kou those words.
However, it’d sound different depending on the individual.
It’s hard to tell him about that, and Kou didn’t seem to understand it.
Although the names of things are easy to remember, it seemed difficult to remember the names of things that are difficult to interpret, such as emotions.
“If you’re not Captain’s mate, you’ll probably get proposed.”
I know that without being told.
Even at this point, there are many eyes on Kou.
But the people here knew that Kou is my mate.
“Ryodo, Ryen, what, say?” (Rodo, what did Ren say?)
He’s trying to learn more words, so when he heard words that he didn’t know, he’d often ask like this.
But what should I say…
How does Kou perceive his appearance?
Kou, who tilted his head, looked innocent even as a grown-up.
I cherished him and wanted to enclose him so that he wouldn’t look at anything.
I don’t dare say what Renneiga said.
And I don’t even want him to know why they’re looking at him.
I just want to always be by his side and get rid of those who approach Kou.
“Marry? …Kou, bwig, become, do. …immediately?” (Marry? …I said we’ll do it once I become big, so…right now?)
I fell in love with Kou’s expression.
Until now, Kou had a confused look when talking about the future such as marriage and children.
His flushed cheeks meant he’s embarrassed.
I realized that it wasn’t a lie when he said that he wanted to be with me rather than returning.
After all, he wanted to get married right now.
“Mission, over, a month later. Marriage, preparation, until then.”
We can’t get married in such a dangerous place.
Am I imagining that I look heartless when he looked so disappointed?
Did I say something to make him look like that?
“…Ryodo, Kou, likes?”
I involuntarily lost my words.
Can’t you believe in my feelings?
I’ve been telling Kou that many times.
“…mate, different, but?”
Do you want to ask if I’ll like you even if you’re not my mate?
His age is too different from mine, but many factors attract me, such as his adorable appearance.
Even before I realized that he’s my mate, I already had the desire to monopolize him.
Kou, who laughed as if he’s relieved, was too cute.
If Kou knew that I wanted to push him down right now…would he be more vigilant to me?
He seemed to positively consider marriage, but what does he think about after that?
…though I can’t ask him directly about those things.
To feed Kou, I tried to sit him on a chair but he didn’t remove his arm around my neck.
“Kou? Meal, eat.”
Seems like there’s no change to having no appetite.
But isn’t he hungry even though he used a lot of magic today?
“Ryodo, togwether, be, want.” (I want to be together with Rodo.)
Gyuu…when I heard that sound, he put more strength in his arms…
In Niho, would he do something like this to just anyone?
He said he was old enough to get married, but I hadn’t even asked if he had a partner.
Seeing him so attractive like this, someone should have been attracted to Kou.
…there’s no certainty that no one had touched his body.
“Ryodo…over there, sit, do, can’t?” (Rodo, can I not sit over there?)
I think Kou, who felt uneasy about sitting on my lap, is a genius at shaking my reason.
“Can’t, wrong.” (No, you can.)
Kou, whose laughing so happily, is still cute.
I’m glad my mate is Kou.
“Happy, really, happy, right?” (I’m truly happy right now. You are also, right?)
Kou, who wrapped his arms to my back, looked up at me and happily laughed again.
Why is he so adorable?
Wouldn’t his smile disappear if I put out my hand?
I’m worried about that…
──I’m so pathetic.
But I don’t want to be disliked by Kou.
─Rodo’s side end─
Now, see here. I’ve noticed that in western novels, gay novels like this can reverse positions where they can both be top and bottom. But in Asian novels, somehow, that wasn’t possible? Like, one has to be the bottom all the time and the other top all the time.
Is this always the case, or did I just not see any examples of that?
PS: For context, the word embrace here can imply s*x.
5 thoughts on “ACDWL 035: Humanized Appearance”
Lol ikr, it’s astonishing how fixed positions are in Asian BL webnovels/comics. It’s so frickin’ rare to encounter switching, and the amount of stereotypes tied to who’s the top/bottom is incredible… *looking at CN webnovels* XDD
I wonder how Kou thinks about sex? Now that his body is mature enough to actually feel that kind of attraction, what’ll change~?
Thank you 😀
switching is like a freakin unicorn in asian BL novels but at least the Manly gay couple tag exist so I don’t die of feminization
Well. I have read lot of western gay novels and there are some characters who strictly do bottom and top only. I think it’s much of a preference. Especially in omegaverse and mpreg novels you don’t see switches because of obvious reasons.
Good lord. The ML is freaking amazing keeping his dick down… or not. Maybe he actually has a boner rn and hes just hiding it HAHAHAHAH
I’ve thought a bit about the lack of switching in Asian BL too! It’s so rare…. Wonder if it has to do with expectations of conformity? Like, of course, being homosexual is already “nonconforming” but the embedded expectations of gender roles still exist. We can still see the prevalence of those gender roles in Chinese/Japanese het couples (tho this is changing with time). There’s one “provider” and then one “homemaker,” and I guess that carries over to same sex couples too? Internalized heteronormativity???? bruh idk