ACDWL 049: My Anxiety

ACDWL 048: Unexpected Visitors
ACDWL 050: Changes in Kou's Appearance

(What should I say?)

Why can’t I leave Rodo…

Nowadays, there are various reasons.

But the main reason was that my chances of returning someday is not zero.

Only Rodo and Rodo’s parents knew that I’m an otherworlder.

I haven’t told Ren.

Rodo might or might not have reported it to the king.

Even if I’m by his side, it’s likely that only I will return if it happened.

In the first place, I might never return.

…still, I want to be with him as much as possible until that unknown day where I return.

When I said “I don’t want to go home”, it’s because I can’t do anything about it.

Rodo loves me.

Not only because I’m his “mate” but also because I’m me.

Common sense in this world states that someone who has lost their mate will either become disabled or commit suicide.

Even though they have long lives, it’s said that it’d be a miracle to meet their mates.

I don’t know what it meant to be a mate, but I’m glad my mate is Rodo.

…but, I also think it’s bad.

Just because I’m able to use magic and shrink, that didn’t mean that my lifespan has changed.

Lifespan is something you can’t feel physically, so it might the same as when I was in Japan.

…so I’m scared.

If I die, Rodo might throw away his life even though he can still live.

I now knew that Rodo is invaluable to this country called Marihect.

I also heard that the lifespan of an Akinist is around 700-800 years old.

Rodo is now 156 and would be 238 if I die at 100.

Considering his lifespan, it’s still his working age.

I might kill someone who said he loves me in the future.

──anyone would be scared by that.

What’s more, I also like Rodo.

I wouldn’t have been so worried if my lifespan has been extended.

….though I don’t know if it’s extended.

──that’s why I’m worried.


Someone’s life would be affected by me.

Moreover, that someone is Rodo.

Rodo said I didn’t have to worry about it, but that’s not the case.


But I don’t know the words I can use to convey it.

It’s a subtle nuance for me, but it’s difficult to convey it to others even in Japanese.

“I can’t give you an immediate answer right now.”

When speaking in Japanese, everyone would just tilt their heads.

But only Rodo has a sad face.

It felt like I’ve drawn a line.

“Rodo, likes. Mate. Forever, together.” (I like Rodo. He’s my mate. We’ll be together forever.)

Rodo smiled when I said one of the reasons I wanted to be with him.

It’s been about three months since I met Rodo.

And yet, Rodo didn’t do anything to me.

We hadn’t even kissed.

──even in places other than the mouth.

I’m often hugged, but that’s been the same since the beginning.

I also didn’t refuse if he stroked my head.

If he’s the type who has a physical relationship after getting married, I wouldn’t be so worried…

But Ren said, “The Captain hasn’t had a lover for a while.”

In other words, he once had a lover.

In terms of age, it wouldn’t be strange even if he had a lover in the past.

I’m not going to bring that up and ask a lot of questions.

…but then I wonder.

What am I to Rodo?

I’m told that he’s my mate and marriage partner, but what’s our current relationship?

Because I don’t feel like a lover in our current relationship.

Only that I’m being pampered.


“Barracks, go.”

After talking about something, I nodded when Rodo said those words.

I can’t understand what I heard before that.

So I have to learn more words.

We walked while holding hands.

I could hear footsteps from behind.

Though we had the king with us, we’re walking normally.

There’s no Doniclon…I mean, I only saw Sig that Rodo rode on, but the horses…rather, the king didn’t even ride the donkey-like Sekisva (sekiseeba).

There seemed to be horse-drawn carriages in this world, but it’s not used much because it can’t make sharp turns and was the first target to be attacked.

Not only soldiers and magicians but also ordinary people can easily ride a Sekisva.

After humanizing, it’s my first time riding one.

…in other words, I’m abnormal because I can’t ride one even though I’m humanized.

However, I’ve never ridden a horse and I’ve heard that beginners usually hurt their hips since horseback riding is quite tricky and the amount of exercise is great.

According to Rodo, Sekisva seemed to shake more than Sig and since I completely left Rodo control Sig, I’m not confident that I can ride it.

In fact, he asked if I wanted to learn how to ride a Sekisva, but I immediately refused.

When I said, “Ride Sig with Rodo”, he said no more and left it like that.

After returning to my original form and riding Sig, my body is no longer fixed to Rodo’s body with a string-like cloth, but Rodo’s arm would support my body while I’m sitting sideways in front.

The cloth was soft and didn’t hurt much, but after a long time, it’d bite into my skin and turn red, causing internal bleeding.

I didn’t say anything because it seemed difficult to ride Sig while supporting my small body.

But now it’s easy to support with one arm and it doesn’t hurt.

I have a strong sense of security this way and would often fall asleep.

I think I slept more than when I was a child.


“Barracks, far away?”

“Far away, no. Arrive, soon.”

Apparently, in Seidask, the tower and barracks are closer than in Karzen.

Is it because there’s the castle?

I heard that the First and Second Corps are here so I thought it’d be bigger than the Third Corps barracks.

…the Sixth Corps barracks was smaller than the Third Corps barracks.

(I was told to heal.)

They said we’d be staying for a while, but did they mean being a support healer during that time?

…no, didn’t they just want to see how I heal?

But, it doesn’t make sense to stay for a few days, right?

Wouldn’t it be finished in a day?


While walking and being pulled by Rodo, who seemed to know the location of the barracks…


Rodo called out when I stopped.

The people behind me also seemed confused.



(This smell is──)

This scent is familiar.

I don’t really like sweets but it smelled like the castella I’ve been meaning to buy.

While holding hands, I approached it like being attracted.

“Kou? This, want?”

He happily asked for some reason.

I’ve never said I “want”…something.

But now I have no words.

I’ve been living with Rodo’s money.

Extorting him, as expected, is bad.

…but I want it.

In this world, can I pay once my career advanced?


“…this, buy?”

As expected, I wanted it that bad.

“Yes! Store, buy.”


I felt like I heard unreasonable words…

When Rodo called out to the shop owner, I puzzledly looked at him running around…

(Is there some sort of mistake?)

Why buy the entire store?

In the first place, I don’t even know how to make it.

“Store, don’t need.”


Why are you…like that?

I don’t need the store.

“This, one, buy.” (Just buy one.)


Seems like I still have to work hard.

…or does this mean that Rodo has enough assets to buy a store?

…if I give the money I earned for living expenses in the future, will he even accept it?



“Thank you.”

From the bag that was handed over, there’s a delicious smell of something freshly baked.

When I took a bite, faint sweetness and fragrant scent spread throughout my mouth.

The taste wasn’t that different from the one sold in Japan.

I also like the fact that the sweetness is suppressed a little.

It’s more delicious this way.

While I was eating, my legs seemed to have stopped completely, so Rodo picked me up.

Then we walked like this.

I didn’t care and continued to eat at a constant rhythm.

…rather, I can’t stop my hands.

I picked one and brought it to Rodo’s mouth to eat.

Rodo is like me and doesn’t eat sweets.

“Delicious, right?”

I was smiling when I said that.

As expected, Rodo is too sweet for me.


Suddenly, I saw a residue on the edge of Rodo’s lips.

My hands are now occupied, so when I licked it, a surprised face came into view.

(Is it that surprising?)

Why are you so surprised?

…did you hate being kissed by me?

Do you even see me with sexual eyes?


I don’t know what Rodo is thinking.

But as long as I’m by his side, that’s fine, right?

Am I too shallow to just hope for a kiss?

ACDWL 048: Unexpected Visitors
ACDWL 050: Changes in Kou's Appearance

One thought on “ACDWL 049: My Anxiety

How about something to motivate me to continue....

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