How many times have I seen Ko’s tearful face?
When I called out, he’d just smile with that face.
I know that pale complexion isn’t due to the monster’s blood.
Ko erased the dead monsters that were left unattended and the splattered blood.
It’s even in a state where I can’t even smell it.
But Ko said he didn’t use his power to erase it.
Without using his power, he just thought it should “disappear”.
Even so, no one needs the monsters that Ko erased.
…am I the only one who thinks that’s okay?
No one is inconvenienced when unnecessary things disappear.
On the other hand, they didn’t have to clean up the monster corpses, so I think he reduced the work.
I only thought like that.
But Ko is worried…or rather, I somehow understood that he’s worried, but since no one is inconvenienced this time, I think it’s fine.
Even if someone complains, I won’t care.
No matter who gets hurt or annoyed, only Ko is important to me.
Even if there’s damage to me, if the other party is Ko, there’s nothing more to say.
…but unlike me who can only think of this, Ko might not pay attention to others but that didn’t mean he’s not interested.
If someone is injured by Ko’s power, he will rush to heal them while apologizing and desperately healing.
He will shed tears and hurt his heart.
Everyone knew that Ko’s common sense is unusual.
If someone gets injured, those around them will worry.
But that’s it.
No matter how injured or even dead the person is, just accept that it can’t be helped.
There’s no other emotion.
Since everyone has a long lifespan, there are many opportunities to see death.
Therefore, some people will cry if their relatives die, but few people will cry when someone else dies.
…I can confidently say that I won’t cry unless Ko is involved.
Even if my parents die, I can only think of them as “at the end of their lifespan”.
I don’t think it’s sad.
…but Ko will surely cry.
I want to avoid that.
When Ko cries, my chest hurts.
I don’t have the power to live his life, but I don’t like Ko crying.
Ko, who stopped crying, said that and forcibly smiled.
Ko didn’t say anything about my inability to understand Ko’s true feelings.
He doesn’t even complain.
He didn’t even wonder why I don’t understand.
Did he give up because I wouldn’t understand?
The only time he was dissatisfied and asked “why don’t you understand” was around before our marriage.
That time, did he think it was useless to explain to me who couldn’t understand even if he desperately explained with his limited vocabulary?
I haven’t been deeply involved with others, so I can’t understand how they care for others.
I never even thought that “death is sad”.
Whether they die of illness, of being attacked by a monster, or of losing limbs and despairing to committing suicide, I only recognize it as “death”.
I just think that’s the end of their life.
Even for an injured person who lost their limbs, I only think it’s not my business.
They made a mistake in measuring their ability and didn’t run away.
Most of the time, I act alone, but the other members are acting in groups.
So I just couldn’t understand their cooperation.
I can only think they lack training.
As a soldier, you can’t be scared when facing a monster.
Aside from the recruits, I don’t understand why those who have been on missions of subduing monsters were scared.
I’ve been told that not everyone thinks like I do nor do they have as strong a heart as mine.
They even scolded me, saying that some thought they were heading to the battlefield.
It was the former Captain of the Third Corps that said that.
I remember replying, “If they go to the battlefield in such a state, they’d only get in the way.”
If you flinch and say “scary”, you’ll only bother the others.
In that case, you don’t have to be a soldier from the beginning.
It’s not like the only job available is becoming a soldier.
I can only think like that. For me, who didn’t understand the feelings of others, it might not be possible to understand Ko’s feelings.
For such a person, will Ko run out of love?
What scares me is Ko hating me.
Or Ko returning to Niho.
Or Ko dying.
If that happens, I’ll let go of my ego.
Ko said he wasn’t going back to Niho and he didn’t want to right now.
He said he wanted to be with me rather than return to Niho.
…but it also wasn’t Ko’s intention to come to this world.
That’s why Ko and I still have the fear that Ko would suddenly disappear.
Once you’re given the happiness of having a mate, you can’t think of losing it.
I returned to the barracks while holding Ko.
After the surroundings said, “he smelled like my mate”, Ko even stopped talking to Renneiga.
Probably because he hated being called that.
The only people he would talk to other than our family are His Majesty, the Chancellor, and the other healers.
He’d sometimes talk to people but only children.
If even a child is afraid of Ko, he’d lose his expression.
He wasn’t told directly, but there seems to be someone who told Ko that I’m not suitable for him.
“You should leave,” they said.
“You should get divorced,” they said.
Those people only tell that to Ko when I’m not beside him.
Recently, he had my parents, so I can ask how Ko replied.
“Kou chose Rodo. What is “not suitable”? Do you want to say that Kou doesn’t have the right to be with someone I like? Do you have the right to deprive Kou of happiness? If you can only say such a silly thing, don’t come to Kou’s side. No one can replace Rodo.”
With such words, he apparently looked cold.
When I heard that, I was unbearably happy.
However, I’m still worried.
Ko still mentions his name, saying that he didn’t want to forget Niho’s language.
He seemed to have forgotten his language at the cost of learning and fluently speaking my language.
That’s why he doesn’t call himself with the first person “I”.
However, that seemed based on returning to Niho which makes me feel uncomfortable.
Ko said he wanted confirmation that he won’t return and I feel the same.
No one wants to lose their beloved partner.
When I went to the cafeteria, my parents were already there.
When they saw us, they called out to Ko.
Seems like they were waiting for us without eating.
There’s only water in front of them.
Sitting while still holding Ko, I placed him on my lap.
In the meantime, the two ordered various things, and after a while, the dishes were lined up on the table.
Ko, who started eating silently, seemed to be thinking about something.
He sometimes stops.
“Ko? What’s wrong?”
“Examining the conditions.”
After a while, he seemed to have finished investigating something.
And he’s back to normal.
“Father-in-law, mother-in-law, can you eat the food that Ko made for dinner?”
“I’m looking forward to it.”
He talked to my parents and smiled.
As expected, I can’t understand Ko’s thoughts, so I don’t think he can consult with me.
Ko worries alone and solves it alone.
I can do little for Ko.
Even though I want to be more useful for Ko.
─Rodo’s side end─