ACDWL 134: The Suspicion Nesting In Me Won’t Clear

ACDWL 133: Difference Between Ko and Our Perceptions
ACDWL 135: Eldred's Studies Progress Slowly

Every day was as usual.

I made breakfast, ate with everyone, and saw Rodo off.

At noon, I made lunch boxes, brought them to the barracks, and ate them together with everyone.

Sometimes, I watched Rodo’s training after that and watched El’s special training to train his body while being nervous.

Sometimes, I’d wait until Rodo’s work was finished, but sometimes, I’d go shopping at the market first and then go home to make dinner.

Before my children were born, I was washed by Rodo and felt like a king, but now that I had three children, bathing was hard.

At first, they let me wash them quietly, but when the bubbles formed, they chased them all at once.

El warned the two of them at first, but in the end, the three of them were chasing bubbles.

And they’d get scolded by Rodo…that’s why.

It’s a pity that the big, small, and tiny people were in a bad mood, but they’re still cute.

It’s really not good, but I couldn’t help spoiling them because Rodo’s scolding was useless.

I had to turn my heart into a demon and endure a lot…but it was difficult.

It seemed that when Rodo was a child, he used to bathe alone.

There’s a brush that could be fixed in the washing area, and if you rub against it and roll around, the dirt would come off.

It seemed that he’d wipe himself by laying down a towel on the floor.

Rather than saying he was “highly independent”, it’s more like he didn’t care about his surroundings, so instead of listening to anyone, he did everything by himself.

Even if he got a little wet, he wouldn’t catch a cold.

Because Rodo was strong, he didn’t take care of himself.

I guess that’s the reason he fought like that.

Rodo’s head didn’t have the word “defense”.

…at least not yet.

Even I understood that Rodo’s body was strong.

I also knew that El and the others had higher physical abilities than children of the same age.

…but I couldn’t stop worrying.

Since that incident, I could no longer trust anyone other than my family.

I couldn’t imagine entrusting my children to someone else.

More to the point, I didn’t want them to be touched.

I didn’t want those people to even come near.

I was always on the lookout to see if magic or medicine was used.

…Rodo and the others said that I didn’t have to do that.

If anything, they’re not worried about the children, but “me”.

Certainly, it’s hard to say that my body was strong, and if Rodo really run, it’d be hard to even follow him with my eyes.

If I get attacked before I could defend myself, I’d easily die.

I was not used to fighting, so I couldn’t sense hostility or murderous intent.

When I thought about it, not only El and Cal but also the newborn Dee were better than me.

If someone they didn’t know approached, they’d be alert.

There were a lot of people whom Dee didn’t know…

In other words, they were wary of their surroundings and intimidated them.

I couldn’t feel what Akinists gave off, but the people around me could.

Even as half-Akinists, my three children seemed to have strong Akinist blood and strong auras.

The surroundings were pressured and kept a distance from us.

When they were babies, El and Cal were also wary of their surroundings.

But it felt like Dee didn’t care.

Both El and Cal were wary of those who approached me.

──that’s still true.

But Dee was also wary of stall owners and passersby.

There were a lot of people in the market, so I couldn’t help but pass by other people.

“Dee, you’d get tired if you’re so cautious, right?”


Even when I called out to her, she wouldn’t stop growling.

…was she scared?

Did she not want them to come near?

──it looks like the latter.

Did she hate other people?

I guess I’d be able to understand when she started speaking the language.

(Speaking of which, what should El study?)

He couldn’t humanize yet, so he couldn’t hold a pen.

He couldn’t do basic writing and memorizing.

I read books to them, but if anything, they only memorized the content, and it didn’t feel like they were memorizing the characters.

When I asked Rodo, he replied that he had memorized the letters while exploring.

Was it important to show them different characters?

It’s a world that didn’t have “AIUEO” like Japanese, or “ABC” like English, so I couldn’t make them memorize each character.

In this world, the characters changed with the words.

The numbers were the same, but I still had a hard time remembering them.

I remembered writing it down, but…

Should I show El a lot of characters?

Then, should I start with his name?

“Mama, what’s wrong? Tired? El’s back, want?”

It seemed that I’m so lost in thought that I stopped walking.

El was a kind child who always cared about me.

He had a lisp and couldn’t speak much, so I couldn’t imagine him becoming an adult all at once.

“I’m okay. El, thank you as always.”

Since the younger two were still small, there were times when I forced El to be patient.

I thought that being a good kid was okay, but I also worried about him being deceived by bad adults in the future.

“Mama, smiling, El, great!”

“Mom also loves El’s smile.”

Even though he looked like a cat, I could understand his emotions such as being happy or having fun rather than seeing his smile.


“Myan! Myu!”

“Of course, I also love Cal and Dee.”

I also called out to the two who raised dissatisfied voices.

I was happy that all my children were full of familial love.

I knew I was not worthy of being a “half-Akinist’s parent”.

Rodo and the others thought that it was natural to exclude others.

The reason the three Akinists immediately said “Kill!” was because of their unique way of thinking.

…you could say that I also had that kind of personality.

Because the strong were always targeted by the weak.

That’s why it’s necessary to have an overwhelming presence.

As everyone knew, if Rodo went all out, they’d be “defeated”…

Rodo said that the number of people picking fights had increased recently, and it was clearly my fault.

I had to do something about the fact that Akinists and half-Akinists were being abused because of me.

When El and the others became adults, it was not me who’d be in trouble, but the children.

(...but…I couldn’t do something like ‘leave them alone and encourage independence’.)

Originally, it wouldn’t be strange for El to go exploring alone.

He must be able to navigate the town on his own and detect danger on his own.

He must develop the ability to think for himself and make decisions.

But now I couldn’t imagine my children being away from me.

I couldn’t even entrust them to someone else, so letting him walk around town alone… was impossible for me right now.

If my kids left the house alone, I was sure I’d go insane.

If something happened, I’d kill the opponent next time.

Before, I was just barely at that point.

Cal was unharmed and Rodo was by my side the whole time, so I calmed down.

El might also understand my feelings so he didn’t leave me.

Even Cal, who’s more free-spirited than El, refused to leave the house.

Should I be worried about the tomboy Dee at the moment?

Sometimes I’d find her on a tall shelf.

How did she climb over there?

There shouldn’t be a platform that could be used as a stepping stone to jump on.

They said female Akinsits had higher physical abilities, so maybe that’s why?

Still, if I called her, she’d definitely jump toward me.

I could feel safe when she was in my arms, but I couldn’t do that all the time.

From now on, how much could I prevent the malice towards half-Akinists?

If I only protected them, it might be too late for the children to develop their skills… but I couldn’t stand by and just watch them.

I wonder if my worries wouldn’t disappear until they grew up a little more.

…since it’s me, I might be worried all the time.

ACDWL 133: Difference Between Ko and Our Perceptions
ACDWL 135: Eldred's Studies Progress Slowly

One thought on “ACDWL 134: The Suspicion Nesting In Me Won’t Clear

How about something to motivate me to continue....

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