I'm Not Shouldering This Blame

STB Chapter 121: Comfort

STB Chapter 120: Nightmare
STB Chapter 122: Twists and Turns

A person won’t know how long it can retain sanity in the midst of nothingness.

Time will move on, and one day they would not be able to go on.

Jian Hua is very cold, chilled to his bones.

He doesn’t feel himself lying in a bed. He felt like he’s lying on a bed of ice, and only the palm of his hand has warmth.

——the shadow of the nightmare slowly receded. He’s back in the living, a world with color and sounds.

He doesn’t care much about living, but “how he lived” is very important. Even his home is decorated simply and comfortably, so how could he continue being a pathetic lost person.

If the mind can’t be sustained, Jian Hua guessed that he would choose to die.

Unreconciled and willing, but in any way, he doesn’t struggle with the idea of surviving.

“I’m here.” The man holding his palm whispered.

Jian Hua suddenly clung to him with great strength.

“I heard that you died in front of me.”

Li Fei, who heard such a statement, was slightly surprised. Then Jian Hua said to himself, “This is good. Then there’s no need to find a way back.”

For others, they won’t know the meaning of Jian Hua, but Li Fei is of course different.

He used his left hand to caress Jian Hua’s back, feeling that the cold temperature of Jian Hua had receded. He imprisoned him in his arms and relaxed a little. Li Fei then turned and pressed the person in bed.

He kissed Jian Hua’s forehead down to his neck, staying for a long time next to the rhythmically moving blood vessels.

Unbuttoning the collar, letting the slightly cold skin stick to his chest without any gaps.

The clothes of the two people are getting less and less. Although the action is intense and their breathing fast, the intimacy is only at this step.

They are lying in bed, breath close to each other.

In the cold spring night, the quilt was thrown aside. There is no air conditioning in the room, but the chill ceased to exist.

All this warmth came from the man holding him like a pillow. Jian Hua is somewhat lost.

His expression fell into Li Fei’s eyes in the dark.

Li Fei wants to make Jian Hua even “warmer”, watching the corner of his lover’s eyes turn crimson. With a look of forbearance and pain, he can’t control his physiological need to let the tears pour out, sliding into his cheeks towards his hair. He want Jian Hua not to talk and keep on breathing, to let his lover completely feel his existence……but he can’t.

The more pleasure the body received, the more empty the heart feels.

Love is not good medicine, but it can’t cure.

If Li Fei upset Jian Hua and entered his body, Jian Hua will subconsciously feel that he was “invaded”. His emotions will be uncontrolled, and it’s possible that he’ll feel vulnerable. It is not what Li Fei wanted to see, nor the change that Jian Hua likes.

Love is respect, not possession.

The different ability fields blended. The dark behemoth felt this familiar temperature. Even if its too lazy to open its eyes, it moved its head to a more comfortable position, then snoring. Sensing that its enemy is back, the flame beast felt complicated. It looked at the other’s eyes and moved away. Then it took a few steps closer. Founding no movement, it just pondered then got down to rest——forget it, anyway, he’s used to it.

Two people hugged each other, the room silent.

Four hours later, Jian Hua opened his eyes again. This time, he didn’t dream and didn’t see an endless dark world. He just had a normal sleep, waking up lazy and relaxed. He felt nostalgic at the temperature of the pillow and bed.

“……”

Jian Hua came back to himself finding that the pillow is gone and the quilt also thrown aside. The warm temperature came from Li Fei who is holding him.

Because the unscrupulous mushrooms filled the whole room, when Jian Hua’s abilities went out of control, they didn’t even let the bedside go. When Li Fei is about to sleep, he used a thick mushroom cap as a pillow. Not only him, but even Jian Hua is also leaning on it.

Jian Hua raised his head slightly after waking up, and the mycelium rapidly slipped away.

The “pillow” broke down into fine strands and ran away. Li Fei’s face inevitably “hit” the bed. He opened his eyes in a daze, not knowing what happened.

After a few seconds, Li Fei remembered what happened before going to bed. Because he was worried about Jian Hua, he was about to say something when his cheek was touched.

“……”

Two people looked at each other, leaning on the bed, and not even wearing clothes.

Jian Hua did not feel awkward at all, anyway, he can’t see clearly in the dark. His fingers touched Li Fei’s face, confirming his earlier guess.

The mushrooms are crushed. The front cap is of course smooth, but the back is not very flat.

Li Fei’s face now has traces of hyphae.

He touched the back of his hand and also understood. His mood became subtle.

“I’m hungry.”

“I’ll get it……huh?” Li Fei subconsciously answered, but after listening to Jian Hua’s words, he was surprised again.

“In the dream, I didn’t let the mushrooms enter the hole. It’s probably because of this that I can feel hunger now.” In Jian Hua’s memory, that scary feeling is not so obvious, but once he regained his senses, he started thinking about how to deal with the problem, and not let himself fall into that world of nothingness.

“The Red Dragon people in the base planted some beans and vegetables. They also brought instant soup packets. Taste and nutrition are okay. Since you haven’t eaten for a long time, it’s inconvenient to eat things that are too hard and too dry. Should I go and get you some?”

Jian Hua nodded.

Li Fei is ready to wear clothes and go out. Despite seeing things clearly in the dark, he still searched for a long time under the mushroom pile on the bedside, only to find underwear, jacket and trousers crumpled into a ball.

“This time, Abandoned World hasn’t ended yet?” Jian Hua looked around. Of course, he can’t see any clues, but the meaning behind Li Fei’s words contained too much information.

At this time, someone knocked on the door.

Having experienced Red Dragon’s “send hot water” service, the corner of Li Fei’s eyes twitched, his expression dark and gloomy.

“It’s Zhao Wen.” Jian Hua based it on his scanning ability to know who is outside the door.

The door opened automatically, and the skinny man was “pushed” into the room by a group of mushrooms.

There are no lights inside the room. There are lights, but on the dim setting, so Zhao Wen can only see mushrooms in front of his eyes. He was about to say something when he heard that Li Fei’s tone is not right, “So timely?”

They just woke up, and Zhao Wen came on time, how did he do it?

The meaning behind the words implied dissatisfaction. How can Albatross not understand? He coughed, “Actually, I didn’t want to come here. I was passing by, but the mushrooms tied me up.”

“……”

Right, Jian Hua said that he’s hungry, and since the mushroom is his ability, it was controlled by his subconscious.

Zhao Wen understood that the two people are embarrassed. In fact, he had a mission, so he also deliberately wandered around. Isn’t this just right?

“There’s dinner in the cafeteria, are you going with Jian Hua?”

“Wait a bit.”

He heard dressing sounds.

Zhao Wen got away from the mushrooms and glanced at Jian Hua and Li Fei who walked out the door. The former has hickeys from the neck to his ears, while the latter’s face……are those marks from a mushroom cap?

The skinny man wants to laugh, but held back.

“Haicheng has many ability holders. It’s not as many as ten thousand, but some thousand. The base cannot accomodate so much people right now, however, there are fewer than 300 people coming to the base, and most are still from Black Abyss.”

Zhao Wen said as he walked. Jian Hua lived in the depths of the base, so it was very quiet, almost undisturbed. The so-called cafeteria is not the same. Red Dragon members, military ability holders, and also registered ability holders like Yang Chao and trusted book transmigrators, come and go.

Jian Hua did not know many people, but Li Fei is different.

Especially Red Dragon members who had sufficient confidential reading authority, these two people in front of their eyes had an unspeakable relationship.

They are discreet. What they thought in their heart will not immediately find someone to gossip? At most, they would brush past them with hand and feet synchronized.

“Joe Brother, you’re here too.” Yang Chao is very happy to see familiar people.

He doesn’t know Jian Hua’s real name, but he worked for Li Fei. When he saw the faint imprint on Li Fei’s face, Yang Chao didn’t overthink. He just thought that he was accidentally trapped by the mushrooms, what’s wrong with leaving some marks? Isn’t it normal?

(However, the way you feed the mushrooms is not the same)

Jian Hua’s eyes fell on the barbecue on Yang Chao’s hand. There’s residual energy, so is it made by fire ability holders?

He turned to look at Li Fei, and the actor wordlessly looked at him: Low-level ability holders had an easier time grasping the heat, having a too powerful ability is not good.

Seeing the orderly cafeteria, and the various roasted meat in the menu, Jian Hua deeply frowned. What is Red Dragon doing? Normalizing life in the Abandoned World?

The soup mentioned by Li Fei is very thin. There are cooked bean sprouts inside, and the scent is clearly from concentrated soup cubes. Such a thing, not everyone can have.

“Unfortunately, farming, except for earth ability holders, is not something we laymen can do. Otherwise, the food in the cafeteria will be better.” Zhao Wen lined up and took three servings of food.

Jian Hua is silent. He usually doesn’t want to talk to others, but in front of acquaintances, especially to the people he recognized, he will still show some emotions.

“What happened?”

Zhao Wen waited for Jian Hua to ask this question. He implicitly revealed that the overlap point covers the entire planet, and all ability holders would have disappeared from the real world. The point is, in the book, they have to survive in the Abandoned World for one year.

Jian Hua looked up and found that Li Fei isn’t surprised. He seemed to have guessed it from the changes in the base.

Zhao Wen told the grim facts seriously, “We have been looking for the whereabouts of Dr. Mad in Haicheng. You know that monsters will look for prey more than we do. Even if he’s good at hiding his abilities, the moment he fell to the Abandoned World, it’ll be useless.”

Jian Hua agreed with this statement. For example, he and Li Fei were in a hotel and found themselves surrounded by monsters.

“Information gathered from multiple teams indicates that there are dozens of places in Haicheng where monsters gather on a large scale. Except for you, Major Zhang and Geng Tian also attracted them. The remaining few have been checked out. The gathering of many ability holders caused it. Among them, there are seven foreigners. They don’t look like suspects, but we’re currently still observing them.” Zhao Wen shook his head, “The current opinion is that after Dr. Mad attacked, he escaped from Haicheng.”

Such a dangerous element hiding in China is like the lump in the throat of Red Dragon.

Jian Hua couldn’t help but ask, “Is Red Dragon ready to defend the border?”

China borders many countries. Now with no border troops, it’s easy for outsiders to enter China.

Zhao Wen sighed at the same time as Li Fei, Jian Hua hit the nail in the head.

“No way. Except for Australia, which country can keep it?”

Australia is surrounded by the sea.

“Although the US is separated from us by the Pacific Ocean, we can’t find them in trouble for a while, but the problems they face is bigger than our problem.” Zhao Wen slowly said, “Drug lords in South America, lawless gangsters……the ability holders who came from over there said the situation is not good.”

Not to mention that there’s also the Holy Gate organization in that country.

STB Chapter 120: Nightmare
STB Chapter 122: Twists and Turns
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6 thoughts on “STB Chapter 121: Comfort”

  1. “Love is respect, not possession.”

    After reading so many danmeis with yandere MLs, I now have mad respect for Li Fei for being so wonderful and understanding. I was expecting him to take advantage of the situation and just enter Jian Hua like so many MLs do with their partners in the same situation in so many danmeis but he didn’t. He just cared for him because he knows he couldn’t force it. Li Fei is so wonderful.

    It’s just a bit sad that Jian Hua is still not that securely grounded to the living world even though he already has Li Fei. And I guess Li Fei find this hurtful. Poor bby.

  2. Many thanks for the update!

    I’m not sure whether these mushrooms are treating their “reserve grain” poorly (leaving a mark!) or carefully (who else can sleep soundly on the devouring mushrooms, hm?) : D

  3. This chapter truly bringa comfort to my heart. They are such a wonderful couple.
    Even though the main theme of this novel is not romance, I can say that this novel has created the best form of healthy relationship.
    Thank you for translating 😢💕

How about something to motivate me to continue....

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